this post was submitted on 22 Jul 2026
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It is a strawman but giving an ultimatum is also a nuclear option in a relationship and it's over when the other person said "it's me or....", that is the last argument of a failed relationship. Does the first person have an unhealthy habit that they are unwilling to change, possibly, but if you're trying to change someone to fit your wants and needs then you're not ever going to be in a healthy relationship.
Maybe you or they change or develop a new habit during along relationship, well then everyone has communicate in a healthy manner and then there's possiblity of breaking off the relationship.
But I've seen this scenario more than once where the partner went straight for the ultimatum and the obvious defense to me would be to not engage or deflect because that's a Kobayashi Maru.
Its not a strawman.
I personally know a fair number of guys that have had nearly this exact interchange.
With the addition of... after the 'well im displeased by the ultimatum, that you would do that'... then the woman begins screaming and becomes physically violent, destroying property, assault, etc.
Roughly 2/3 as many men are victims of female domestic violence as women are victims men.
Its... pretty common actually.
Even reasonable needs typically only go straight to an ultimatum when the person giving it understands on some level that it's not something the other person will give easily or happily.
For example my ex decided polyamory wasn't working for her, but I thrived in it in a way I hadn't in monogamy. I can't imagine she didn't understand on some level that it was an irreconcilable difference.