this post was submitted on 14 Apr 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Are his eyes really cartoonishly lopsided or is it just a trick of the angle?

[–] Burninator05@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

As much as I want to be mean to him in every way, I don't think his eyes are that crooked.

[–] Eh_I@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I didn't know he was still invited on family vacations.

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 3 points 4 months ago

his family disowned him, hes the blacksheep of the family.

[–] Panthenetrunner@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 4 months ago

The worm recognizes it's own.

[–] TwilitSky@lemmy.world 5 points 4 months ago (1 children)

This sounds like how Dahmer got his start.

[–] CaptainSpaceman@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago) (1 children)

The guy with brain worms and dropped a dead bear in central park is basically a half step from being the shortbus version of Hannibal

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[–] zuckey78@sh.itjust.works 4 points 4 months ago

I mean. HHS Secretary was clearly in his future…. /s

[–] technocrit@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 4 months ago

Dude with no respect for life has no respect for the dead? I'm shocked! \s

[–] Rajtinka@lemmy.world 4 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I try so hard to keep up with the current slang, but it changes so often that it's not always easy. So, is "studying" oral or anal??

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[–] Mulligrubs@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

I can't even

hurk

welp, may as well elect him as President at this point.

[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

Maybe in some mirror-universe it's reversed.

[–] violetring@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

Maybe he just needed a toothpick

[–] IEatDaFeesh@lemmy.world 3 points 4 months ago

That's why his voice is so hoarse! He's been chocking on that raccoon dick for years.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago

Half expected him to eat it

[–] medicsofanarchy@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Native Americans used every party of their roadkill. What is it with Kennedys and penises?

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 2 points 4 months ago* (last edited 4 months ago)

Drugs, shitty family, and being neurospicy will do that to you.

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