this post was submitted on 18 Aug 2026
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Its the first step in therapy.
Blame parents, forgive parents, realize you now control your future, realize youve controlled your actions and future the entire time, forgive yourself.
Most people are hovering step 1 and 2, or skip over step 2
I think you can kind of fork this path:
Without going through steps 1 and 2 it's impossible to get to steps 3, 4, and 5 without feeling gaslit and invalidated just like you always were growing up, which can rehash and reinforce the trauma, perpetuating the cycle.
That's what society in general, and people who had healthy parents, don't understand. They want us all to skip to the end of the process, ignoring the fact that not everyone was so fortunate to be raised by emotionally intelligent people.
A very basic understanding of developmental psychology is all it takes to see how significantly the influences of one's formative years can impact their social and emotional development long into adulthood.
Even if you have relatively good parents, it is still an important step to realize just how many beliefs, habits, personality traits, worldviews, biases, inherited trauma, et al you've picked up from your childhood, usually primarily your parents. Many of these things are truly bizarre, wrong, or at least "not normal", even a "normal" childhood.
Yes, that's true. But boy do many people have a much better starting point depending on the emotional health/maturity of their parents
For sure
and in severe cases, lifelong health issues, such as autoimmnue disorders, suicidal ideation, etc. thanks mom and dad!
Yes. You deserved better than what you got. Unfortunately the only requirement for becoming parents is a pair of working genitals.
I hope you've found or are finding the healing and support that you need.
thank you so much, i have a wonderful support system and my own little family. things are still difficult but i have come far.
That's great to hear
I just wanted to add that it's still incredibly painful after these steps, therapy ain't over then. Still worth it though. Be kind to your inner child, especially if they're still crying inside.
I thought we all just don't do the forgiving ourselves thing. And avoid the mirror so you don't have to kick that guy's ass for looking at you like id look at me