Ask Lemmy

$5. If she doesn't like a ring pop she isn't worth your time

Hopefully you both have discussed getting married and have some plans for the future before popping the question. As part of your plans you may have things like saving up for a home or go traveling. Put your money towards your dreams, not the ring. Make it a nice ring, but not too nice. Do not borrow money for it. Try to figure out what she would like.

As the father of a woman who will probably marry her boyfriend in the next few years: I think it works be a great gesture if my future son in law asked me. I won't be mad if he doesn't, but it shows respect and that he's thinking of me as family as well. I think it sets a good tone for the relationship.

https://www.americangemsociety.org/moissanite/#%3A%7E%3Atext=Moissanite-%2CWhat+is+moissanite%3F%2Cof+the+compound+silicon+carbide.

Don't spend ten grand.

I proposed with a dummy ring made of foil and then we went ring shopping together. I also got an engagement ring because I wanted one.

Depends where are you living. I spent like 1/3 of my monthly income.

I would say spend however much she would be happy with. My wife made it pretty clear back then that she wont be casually wearing a 1k€ ring, it would stress her out more than she could enjoy it. I got her a nice silver ring with a small synthetic diamond (real diamonds are extremely unethical just btw) for around 100€, she was happy with it and would probably even have been happy with a handshake instead xD. If she likes expensive jewelry and expects it, the money is probably well spent. But its basically your shared money youre spending anyway, so in a way youre "wasting" her money as well if she wouldnt want an expensive one.

Regarding the permission, I would say it is at the very least patriarchal, maybe misogynist. She is not her dads property. On the other hand, if she is very old fashioned and you think she expects it, ask her dad. In the end it comes down to what makes you both happy and how you want to live yoir lives. But dont do it because her dad expexts it from you.

Check in with your lady on the asking her dad thing. Ultimately it’s up to her whether she feels it’s respectful or if she would be offended if you did so.

Congrats on taking this next step!

I have an engagement ring with London blue topaz shaped like a forget me not, and two diamond solitaires inherited from my grandmother. I never wear the solitaires.

I spent like 400 on the ring. And then we spent 3k on the wedding.

Ten years in and no issues.

First of all, do whatever you want and what you think your gal will want. You only get to propose to her once so make it count, whatever that means to you guys

Before you decide on what to do, I recommend you read the 5 Love Languages book. It's a good and easy read and I'd recommend it anyways. Bottom line is people express affection in certain ways and they like to receive affection in certain ways. The reason I suggest the book is because it can help you key in on whether going expensive is something that will be valued by your SO.

If receiving gifts, expensive ones, isn't one of her love languages, I'd say it's probably not worth it. But if she lights up when she's showered with expensive stuff normally then there's nothing wrong with a giant diamond, if you can afford it. It's a gift so it should be something that she will appreciate

It might be more meaningful if it's a custom ring that you have a jeweler design. Maybe an animal she loves or something else that is meaningful. This can be cheaper than a diamond center stone even if you include a variety of gems. Price scales hugely with size of the stone so you can go hog wild with smaller gems and the cost of the metals and the design/creation and not break the bank.

On the subject of asking for her hand or whatever, I think the more modern way to do the same thing is to just get with her parents before hand and let them know what your intentions are.

At the end of the day, do what you want. You can stick to traditions and get a big diamond ring and ask get Father's hand if that's what you want. People, especially here, will get out pitchforks and try to tell you why that's bad or whatever but at the end of the day traditions are traditions and if you want to do it that way it's OK. But I wouldn't do it just because it's tradition - unless that means something to you. Be deliberate in your choices whatever they are.

Good luck!

A little bit more than what your partner thinks you should spend.

I really hope this isn't with the woman who alleged you raped her. I think you would bother be better off forgetting the other even exists.

User tags exist. My tag for you is getting quite the few descriptors tacked on.