Asklemmy

My wife of 30 years died a few months ago and I'm having to adjust to life without her.

Life is freakin weird now .... I feel like some kind of ghost that doesn't exist ... I feel like a big part of my life died with her and at the same time I feel like I'm alive but not fully .... I'm alive but not fully ... I feel like part of me disappeared but I didn't die ... quite honestly, sometimes I feel like a ghost that didn't fully cross over and I'm stuck in this life until I can move on.

I have a ton of supports, family and friends, work and things to do and I keep very busy with stuff ... but all of it just doesn't mean much to me any more.

And family and friends keep telling me I have all the freedom in the world to do whatever I want ... but you know what? ... life is no longer enjoyable when you don't have the person you want to share everything with. I had so many plans and things I really, really wanted to do ... but now it's all meaningless and pointless ... I have no real enjoyment for many things any more. Even turning on the TV to watch something, anything no longer really thrills me and I watch something for a few minutes, my mind wanders and I have to go do something else. I go online and it's the same thing, I read part of something and I have to move on to the next thing ... I play video games and I can't concentrate on it for too long.

About the only thing left to me now is riding my motorcycle but I can't even do that because the weather is still too cold here in northern Ontario ... so I can't even enjoy that.

And in the meantime, I have to watch the world burn .... life is just very strange for me at the moment.