this post was submitted on 07 Sep 2026
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Why not, just host your own lemmy instance? Then you'd only get defederated if you got banned basically. or if you are looking for one for you and your friends. then you can just federate with the groups you want to federate with
If I remember hearing it correctly, some lemmy instance admins defederate by proxy. Meaning: they go look at your instance, see who you federate with (even if you do it passively by not blacklisting) and then defederate you if you federate with any instances they don't like.
(And tbh, I'd do the same, but it doesn't seem like OP would like that)
If the Lemmy instance isn't public anyway, then it seems like its federation list doesn't have to be public either, so other instance admins would have no way of knowing what such an instance federates with.
Can you leave comments from your non public isntance on communities from other instances ?
Yes. I have seen comments before from obscure instances that didn't seem to be open to the public. It wouldn't really make much technical sense to prevent that.
ok, clearly I don't understand the federation protocol then, because I thought if you can see/interact with the instance (like in the @ after the username), you can find out who they federate with.
I don't know if that's true if they don't publish a list of that. I certainly wouldn't know how.