this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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I'm often disappointed with myself when I'm angry. It feels like, "a stronger person wouldn't be mad at this" or "I'm fragile/insecure". Anger has been the hardest emotion to live with; it just feels wrong.

I always need external validation from others during/after anger. And worse, I need an endless supply of it.

Learning to validate myself is the obvious solution but I don't have a clue where to start. A self-help book would just sit on a shelf. Do you have any tips?

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[–] zbyte64@awful.systems 7 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (5 children)

Lookup internal family systems (a good book would be "No Bad Parts"). It's like you have parts of yourself arguing and putting other parts down. It's all parts of you trying to protect you but they maybe don't recognize the roles each part has. Try to find out what your anger is trying to say, sometimes when the part is heard it is more manageable. The point isn't to make the anger go away but see if it can let other parts help in whatever need it is trying to accomplish.

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 2 points 6 days ago (2 children)

I'm interested, who is the author? I found several books by the name

[–] zbyte64@awful.systems 7 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Full title:

No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model Book by Richard C. Schwartz

[–] stinky@redlemmy.com 2 points 6 days ago

awesome, I'll start there. thanks for the suggestion

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