I always say "come in" - no one has ever tried to come in. π
this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2026
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MODERATORS
"Who's there?"
"No solicitors"
"I'm full"
No solicitorsβ
Lawyer turns red and openly shits themselves
"There's no door on this side, go around!"
"Cover charge is $10"
"Come back with a warrant!"
OCCUPIED!
But what's weird is that 99% of the time I have no idea what to say in any given situation, but this public restroom scenario just came naturally to me one day and still comes naturally to me every time. That's weird isn't it? Like I'm only comfortable & functional in the most uncomfortable situations π€¦πΌββοΈ
OCCUPADO
Australian with a nyc accent??
Sorry babe Iβm flying solo today
"Nein! Ich habe farfrompoopen!"
farfrompoopen
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=farfrompoopen
A situation in which nature calls for you to visit the bathroom, yet you cannot perform the act of defecation.
Occupied.
"Come on in, I kept the seat warm for you"
"Our cheeks have shared the same seat. We are butt brothers."
Fuq orf am shiten
"Just a sec, I'm doing the paperwork!"
"I am the gatekeeper! Are you the keymaster?"
I would like to share this timeless classic
<cassius_clay13> so I was with my friend bryan the other night in a bar
<cassius_clay13> well he got really drunk and said he was gonna puke
<cassius_clay13> so i helped him walk to the toilet
<cassius_clay13> all the stalls were occupied
<emoti_conartist> lol
<cassius_clay13> bryan is a rugby player... so a big guy
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking KICKS one of the stall doors open
<cassius_clay13> and there's this guy in there taking a shit
<emoti_conartist> hahahahahaha
<cassius_clay13> and bryan throws up ALL OVER HIM
<cassius_clay13> then (this is genius) bryan thinks 'oh shit... if i were taking a shit and someone came in and was sick all over me, i'd want to fuck him up... so i'd better hit him first'
<cassius_clay13> so he fucking SMACKS this guy in the face
<cassius_clay13> and runs away
<cassius_clay13> imagine being that guy... WORST NIGHT OUT EVER
Wow. Bryan sounds like a shit head. Good for him to keep stereotypes alive.
Just lads being lads, what a ledge π€
(The Lads on Tour movement needs to end fast)
THANK GOD, I NEED A WITNESS!
"STOP! STOP! YOU'RE MAKING IT GO BACK IN!!"
"come in!"
All fun and games until your bluff gets called
This is my go to
Let's get ready to rumble.
Ask them if they want to play battle shits?
I understoon that reference.
Green Wing?
βGO AROUNDβ
Classic Mitch Hedberg. Its this or 'Ocupado' in a tiny high pitched voice every time.
I laugh every time.
Occupied????
Occupado
Occupied. It's the default answer. Rest is people making a bigger issue out of something so simple.
"Fuck off" making sure to shout it as loud as the knock.
Best answer I found even though I don't remember to apply it: just knock back.
This happened to me more than once in... Bulgaria, I think? It was a long time ago.
Want some ?
Occupado
I shit louder.
Let the butt-song echo through the porcelain trumpet, that it might sound through the heavens.
Summon the butt-cracken.
Theoden: Yes. Yes! The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep...one last time!
Gimli: Yes!
[runs off to blow the horn]
Occupied
Just ask for help
Poop Patrol!
Occu-poo-do
"Who is it?" is my go to.
Giving credit is cool.
I stole this shitpost from reddit (as always) and the username was already censored
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