this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2025
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No Stupid Questions

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The more I hear people talk about it who aren't cis-het men, the more I hear criticism about the concept. But so far, I've only heard people say that it's stupid, that it's not a thing, that it's men's own fault etc. But I've yet to understand where that criticism comes from. I don't want to start a discussion on whether or not it's real or not. I just want to understand where the critics are coming from.

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[–] Arcanepotato@crazypeople.online 21 points 2 days ago

Two criticisms that come to mind are:

  • the cause of the epidemic is the patriarchy, therefore it's men's own fault, i.e. the rigid gender roles and "man up attitude" are within the power of individual men to overcome and they just need to um... man up and break down those barriers.
  • the cause of the epidemic is men trying to cling to the benefits they would have otherwise under the patriarchy and it's a reaction to non-men having more status and freedom.

(Before you hit reply please remember OP didn't ask for an discussion on if these are real or correct - just what some of the criticisms are. I'm not saying I buy into either of them.)

[–] NotASharkInAManSuit@lemmy.world 17 points 2 days ago (9 children)

As a male who grew up around males, men are men’s worst enemy.

[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 8 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Wait until you find out how young women interact with each other 🤭

This is not a gender issue, it is a maturity thing

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[–] TheCriticalMember@aussie.zone 14 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I think a lot of it comes from the fact that in incel spaces, it's a lot of grievance and blame by men who were raised believing the world owed them certain things. And now they're finding out that it's really hard so rather than look inward at how they can be better and work within the circumstances they're in, they blame wokeism and women's empowerment for denying them their entitlement.

Dark Brandon on youtube has been doing an awesome series on incels that's definitely worth watching. I recommend this video not just for anyone interested in incel culture, but literally anyone interested in WTF has happened to the world in the last 40 years - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBAX4Wi1iNM&list=WL&index=16

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[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Much of our media depicts men in successful relationships, handsome, with a good circle of friends, decent jobs etc.

Guys see this and think there's something wrong because their reality isn't matching that media.

It's more exciting to think you're observing a widespread social phenomenon than to admit your expectations were shaped by fiction.

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[–] sunzu2@thebrainbin.org 9 points 2 days ago

Dunking on young men is in vogue and socially acceptable.

They won't pass reverse gender or race litmus test...

[–] blitzen@lemmy.ca 9 points 2 days ago

Cis men have been, and mostly continue to be, the most privileged group in western society. So it’s easy to dismiss anything negative that affects them.

[–] HubertManne@piefed.social 8 points 2 days ago (2 children)

im one of those people who does not know what cis-het means? As far as I can tell cis means typical or normal or such.

[–] Armok_the_bunny@lemmy.world 12 points 2 days ago (3 children)

Cis effectively means not-transgender, so born as exacly the same gender you identify as. 'Het' then means heterosexual, making cis-het someone who is either completely male and into women or completely female and into men.

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[–] BussyCat@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago (2 children)

Cis means same as opposed to trans which means opposite it’s commonly used to describe the shape of molecules in chemistry but is also used to say if a persons birth sex is the same (cis) or different (trans) then their gender

Het is short for hetero which means different vs homo which means the same so if you had homogenized milk it’s all uniform and the same vs a heterogenous mixture which would have some areas of extra fat. Those are used as hetero and homo sexual where a homosexual likes people of the same sex and heterosexuals like people of the opposite sex

So a cis het male is a dude whose not trans who likes banging chicks

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