No Stupid Questions

No. Why? Are you accusing me of something? Are you threatening me??

/s

I imagine it can be hard to scroll past someone saying something very off the wall. When you read someone's comment it's hard not to feel like they're talking directly to you, and if you don't align with what they're saying, especially if you're far from it, it can be hard to resist correcting them or giving them your opinion, when I catch myself doing this, I try to reframe it to ask a question, rather than dump opposing facts.

But there's another perspective I try really hard to keep in mind, if I were sitting at a table with a group of people and someone was loudly saying those things to me in person, I wouldn't engage. I'd move to a quieter spot and ask the people I do like at the table to come for a chat there, or I'd acknowledge their feelings (but not the topic) and move to a different conversation topic.

But I feel like I need more practice at doing this when it's in a text form of socializing, as this is.

I notice some amazing people on here, whom I aspire to learn from, that handle conflicting opinions with grace, and inclusion.

And I understand the dehumanisation that text conversations, present, it can be easy to imagine a hostility that may not be behind the comment. We're all filling in the blanks of the personality behind the commenter. I worked a checkout for a good decade, so I'm very familiar with positions that can become dehumanised. Especially seeing as that seemed to be throughout a time when a huge bulk of people felt like they were only going to get righted the situation they believed had wronged them, by yelling or getting massively agro at the poor checkout chick who was gunna set that right wrong, because fk corporations, I enjoyed giving as much free stuff away as possible, any excuse, within the rules I could muster.

I absolutely understand tensions being high, currently, with world events being what they are. And there's so much propaganda trying to brain wash us into being an army for their cause, and it's all rage baity. So there's even more rage and tension built up. I get it.

I really feel for people who can't, and haven't been helped to learn how to help and sooth their emotions, and then those emotions fester into all consuming things. And they find a cause to funnel that emotion into. Without really addressing that emotion, therefore not actual helping, processing or soothing that emotion.

See, we feel a feeling first, and then we ascribe a meaning, after. Except those two parts of the brain don't actually communicate. The emotional brain is essentially non verbal, and the thinking brain, is verbal, but obviously it doesn't do emotions. So you have this thinking guy in your head trying to tell you what emotions mean, except that guy is not an expert and knows nothing about them.

Your emotional brain is essentially a, very detailed messenger system for checking the temperature of the room. If shit feels off, it sends an alarm. Your emotions are a message to you that the shower temperature is too hot. It's not really about that argument you had with your sibling last fortnight.

And to top it off, your emotional brain is non verbal, so all that ranting that you do, thinking that you solve the anger (or whatever emotion) you feel isn't! It's actually making it worse.

Your emotional brain is super primal, and very simplistic. All it wants is to know you took your hand out of the broiling hot shower water, and now your safe, and it's message worked. It feels the environment and let's you know if that's vibing good stuff or danger. Sometime all you gotta do is change environment, or do a couple of jumping jacks, to help that emotional brain know, dangers gone. If you sit in the same spot and stress, your brain can even learn, that's a stressful spot to sit, every time we sit here, bam, gotta be bad, and spits up those same feelings, even if it's about nothing, just habit.

It also believes anything you tell it, because it's listening to vibes. So even if shits fkd, right now, you have to keep telling yourself, everything is OK, you are safe and a capable bad ass, who has handled all the shit life threw so far, so you absolutely got this. Time to shine.

Your emotions are a message for you, and you alone. And if you expect others to sooth your emotions, all the time, you tell yourself that you don't trust yourself to be capable of helping yourself process emotions. Obviously, we also need connection, so at the same time, it's not at all about doing it alone. But it's more about feeling safe to sit in emotions, rather than, fixing them. The way forward is sometimes the way back, sit in the emotion. Don't try and put it out like it's a fire, or distract it with shiny things. Just be, and listen, feel. Sometimes you need to sit with someone and not feel like you have to create a false front. Just sit and feel, for a bit.

If you're getting stuck in emotions for elongated periods of time, there's people who spend multiple years at school learning how to try and show you all the tips and tricks we've learned so far. Have a chat with one (or two if you don't vibe with numerous uno) of them.

It's literally all about emotional regulation. The mean people, haven't been able to process their emotions, have never been taught how, their parents didn't know, themselves, to tell them. And they're being bombarded with proverbial tornadoes from all sides. And there's so much rage baity propaganda, all designed to fuel and feed off that.

Welcome back, I've been here the whole time and currently it seems a bit more toxic and hostile than when RIF shut down, I feel there are a couple more contrarians now than before but it hasn't been a steady decline. There has always been the odd jerk and troll on this site. I would say the time Lemmy was most wholesome when !cat@lemmy.world flooded the front page with black cats, it was such a cute problem for us to have. Anyone else remember that?

Like others I'd say it's cyclical month to month. This year there's daily doom in the news with US politics. If you want to avoid that then block !news@lemmy.world, !politics@lemmy.world, !usa@midwest.social, and other news and politics if it fills up with Trump posts. 2024 was a lot more hopeful and I think that reflected in the average user's demeanor even if there was bothsidesism, Gaza stuff, Ukraine stuff and Trumpism stuff. You'll be informed of important developments as Trump stuff leaks out on occasion but you don't need to be constantly engaged. Also if you do curate your All/Local feed then maybe some new communities sprung up that need pruning to fit your desired vibe.

Also: If you see a crapton of comments on a post with low votes then you know best to turn and run from the thread where most of the comments are.

I've not noticed that in particular yet. but it might be because I block accounts that don't add constructively to the comments, so maybe I'm not seeing a lot of the worst behaviour.

No, just an uptick in complaints about it.

Makes me pretty proud if my subscription list, honestly.

I haven’t noticed anything in particular, and I do post in more controversial areas like Politics and News. There’s always a chance to get negative feedback in those c/.

I have noticed some ancient-ass reddit-type reposts of the same old shit that circulates reddit, though. That junk can die.

E: maybe I stand corrected. I asked for a source for a claim and got downvoted because someone’s ego couldn’t take it or it was too hard to provide a source.

You want a piece of this??

The hostility has been here for quite a while, though. When the migrating happened from Reddit to Lemmy it was all nice and cozy but after a year or so the hostility was already there. Very often people did not want to acknowledge this (and started to heavily downvote the particular comment stating this). Plus with what is happening* in the world, the negativity from reality seeps into the digital world.

But anyway, the best thing to do is just block anyone who is hostile towards you for no actual reason. Has no point to put energy and/ or time in it.

Yes, it seems to be.

Filter your content to get the vibe you want.

Blocking the porn and impotently hostile makes it quite the chill platform.

Nothing outside the usual to me.

But that’s another good perk of Lemmy: if you don’t like this instance, join another or create your own.

I doubt that anyone who came from reddit either as an exile or willingly can really notice any additional toxicity. Maybe the early adapters.