No Stupid Questions

mid 2023 felt honeymoony, but i knew would eventually wear off

Lately? I find it comes and goes.

Re: the title: Yes 😔

I imagine it can be hard to scroll past someone saying something very off the wall. When you read someone's comment it's hard not to feel like they're talking directly to you, and if you don't align with what they're saying, especially if you're far from it, it can be hard to resist correcting them or giving them your opinion, when I catch myself doing this, I try to reframe it to ask a question, rather than dump opposing facts.

But there's another perspective I try really hard to keep in mind, if I were sitting at a table with a group of people and someone was loudly saying those things to me in person, I wouldn't engage. I'd move to a quieter spot and ask the people I do like at the table to come for a chat there, or I'd acknowledge their feelings (but not the topic) and move to a different conversation topic.

But I feel like I need more practice at doing this when it's in a text form of socializing, as this is.

I notice some amazing people on here, whom I aspire to learn from, that handle conflicting opinions with grace, and inclusion.

And I understand the dehumanisation that text conversations, present, it can be easy to imagine a hostility that may not be behind the comment. We're all filling in the blanks of the personality behind the commenter. I worked a checkout for a good decade, so I'm very familiar with positions that can become dehumanised. Especially seeing as that seemed to be throughout a time when a huge bulk of people felt like they were only going to get righted the situation they believed had wronged them, by yelling or getting massively agro at the poor checkout chick who was gunna set that right wrong, because fk corporations, I enjoyed giving as much free stuff away as possible, any excuse, within the rules I could muster.

I absolutely understand tensions being high, currently, with world events being what they are. And there's so much propaganda trying to brain wash us into being an army for their cause, and it's all rage baity. So there's even more rage and tension built up. I get it.

I really feel for people who can't, and haven't been helped to learn how to help and sooth their emotions, and then those emotions fester into all consuming things. And they find a cause to funnel that emotion into. Without really addressing that emotion, therefore not actual helping, processing or soothing that emotion.

See, we feel a feeling first, and then we ascribe a meaning, after. Except those two parts of the brain don't actually communicate. The emotional brain is essentially non verbal, and the thinking brain, is verbal, but obviously it doesn't do emotions. So you have this thinking guy in your head trying to tell you what emotions mean, except that guy is not an expert and knows nothing about them.

Your emotional brain is essentially a, very detailed messenger system for checking the temperature of the room. If shit feels off, it sends an alarm. Your emotions are a message to you that the shower temperature is too hot. It's not really about that argument you had with your sibling last fortnight.

And to top it off, your emotional brain is non verbal, so all that ranting that you do, thinking that you solve the anger (or whatever emotion) you feel isn't! It's actually making it worse.

Your emotional brain is super primal, and very simplistic. All it wants is to know you took your hand out of the broiling hot shower water, and now your safe, and it's message worked. It feels the environment and let's you know if that's vibing good stuff or danger. Sometime all you gotta do is change environment, or do a couple of jumping jacks, to help that emotional brain know, dangers gone. If you sit in the same spot and stress, your brain can even learn, that's a stressful spot to sit, every time we sit here, bam, gotta be bad, and spits up those same feelings, even if it's about nothing, just habit.

It also believes anything you tell it, because it's listening to vibes. So even if shits fkd, right now, you have to keep telling yourself, everything is OK, you are safe and a capable bad ass, who has handled all the shit life threw so far, so you absolutely got this. Time to shine.

Your emotions are a message for you, and you alone. And if you expect others to sooth your emotions, all the time, you tell yourself that you don't trust yourself to be capable of helping yourself process emotions. Obviously, we also need connection, so at the same time, it's not at all about doing it alone. But it's more about feeling safe to sit in emotions, rather than, fixing them. The way forward is sometimes the way back, sit in the emotion. Don't try and put it out like it's a fire, or distract it with shiny things. Just be, and listen, feel. Sometimes you need to sit with someone and not feel like you have to create a false front. Just sit and feel, for a bit.

If you're getting stuck in emotions for elongated periods of time, there's people who spend multiple years at school learning how to try and show you all the tips and tricks we've learned so far. Have a chat with one (or two if you don't vibe with numerous uno) of them.

It's literally all about emotional regulation. The mean people, haven't been able to process their emotions, have never been taught how, their parents didn't know, themselves, to tell them. And they're being bombarded with proverbial tornadoes from all sides. And there's so much rage baity propaganda, all designed to fuel and feed off that.

You want a piece of this??

Yes, it seems to be.

I doubt that anyone who came from reddit either as an exile or willingly can really notice any additional toxicity. Maybe the early adapters.

Yup, it's happened to me a couple of times this week alone. It's getting silly.

Isn't it just people? Why did Rome fall? They had better tech, more people etc. I think they fell because the glue that held the society together dissolved. They had enough success that the human impulses that tear things apart were no longer suppressed. Lets kill people for sport, someone else should deal with the invaders, etc. A big part of that glue is apparent need. That guy in my way is the blacksmith that I need or I don't know that guy get the F out of my way. Our major challenge has shifted from trying to survive to competition with other people.

I think this is where a lot of the hostility comes from. Now add in another force, marketing and business. It's not like they are really worried about your well-being. They prey on these things like a con artist preys on trust. Feed the easy things that everyone wants. A kid is going to choose the candy bar over the brussels sprouts most times. You deserve a break today, you deserve everything. Feed this and you end up with a lot of believers. I deserve everything and those people are preventing it. Plug in a system (AI) that only purpose is to get more of your attention and what will it feed you? Trolling, anger, hate are all easy. The feelings from them are strong, addicting even. They feel powerful. Stir well and spread widely. Pretty simple recipe.

For the final topping, the people who rule us. Yah rule us. Do good people chase power in this environment? Can a good person stop the mob of 50 people that are gonna do some damage? At what point to people start giving up resisting those impulses and joining the mob. I want to do some damage too. As we see our leaders and the things they do, our examples, the people we trusted to do the right thing, the people who get the make the rules, who are so removed from the people they rule as I am from that ant I just stepped on. As this snowball gets bigger and faster it's harder and harder to stop. Rolls over most things except that cliff where it will go splat. Everyone feels it. It's hard to miss if you look. Any attempt to stop it creates a conflict between the stoppers and those that are fine in that snow ball and the people that are actively pushing that snowball. It will eventually stop and most times it's a very messy stop.

Why hasn't there been a successful civilization that has lasted, people and who are people... ?

Not really besides maybe more conservative trolls upsetting people in their usual favourites like unpopular opinion communities. Negative communities are troll attracting nectar generally.

If I don't see that, am I the problem? 🤔

It's more along the lines of people making an elephant out of an anthill. Your average person is a drama-addict

It takes a special kind of person to be a good moderator.

You're really being a drag, dude. What's with you throwing all this shade? Wanna fight about it? /s

Nothing outside the usual to me.

But that’s another good perk of Lemmy: if you don’t like this instance, join another or create your own.