No Stupid Questions

Sorta. Anger and resentment tends to fester continually so ensuring you make your grievances known one way or another can help. If you do want to make it known, but cannot have a healthy dialogue, I personally recommend you write it out, and once you have it dialed in you can send it or hand it to them if you wish.

Personally though, I'd def say that making sure your sweetheart of a wife knows how your feelings have been and continue to move is just as if not more important. Has she mentioned the how and why she managed to tolerate politics given everything?

Besides voting for Trump, is there anything else problematic with her behavior? Because, you know, everyone can make a mistake, and being a family is about doing your best to accept people regardless of their flaws.

You say she’s not MAGA, so is it her forcing you into unwanted political conversations or is it the other way around? Because if it’s you who’s constantly pressuring her on his this issue, it kinda isn’t fair for you to complain about it.

I don’t think it’s unreasonable to want to avoid your MIL. I also think it’s reasonable for your wife to maintain the relationship.

Can you use her visit as excuse to take a vacation—alone or with friends—or visit your family? Given the circumstances, I think avoidance is a perfectly valid option. Get some you time if your wife is cool with it.

These people are guilty of crimes against humanity many times over. Crimes against the American people, war crimes, treasonous acts against the constitution...you name it.

You shouldn't feel obliged to entertain people who support that. Zero consequences for these people means zero reconciliation for their atrocious behavior.

In the wise words of Christopher Walken:

Do they show any kind of remorse, like "I didn't think it would be that bad", denial "I don't believe [bad thing] actually happened", or are they straight-up going "serves them right, fuck them kids"? If it's the third option, I wouldn't even let them into my house anymore.

I would make myself scarce and hard to find

Usually I'd think that a person's political opinions /choices are their own and they're entitled to it and we shouldn't allow it to divide us but your country is fucked. What's been happening and the atrocities played upon the people in your country is beyond fucked and appalling. Unless she is able to see this and regrets her decision, I believe she is still responsible and complicit to what is happening.

This is a real extreme circumstance what is happening in your country and my comment is really on the exception here. Those who voted Trump and still don't regret it are fucked in the head somewhere.

Your wife made the decision for you collectively not break off the relationships all together. I understand that you don't like it. The adage that blood is thicker than water applies here on top of any other concern. And that's why I would tread carefully in the interest of your marriage. Another folk wisdom is that morals are something you need to be able to afford. And my guess is you will not be able to do so here in the way you would prefer. While her family is at your house, you mustn't tolerate any bullshit and you should be free to express your dismay at the protofascist state of affairs. But I would keep it at a non-shouting, non-hostile level. Your wife has spent your morals money. Try to look at it as an opportunity to change minds. If they are at your house they cannot run away, you have a semi-captive audience, in which you can sow the seeds of doubt. If there is to be another election, this is better than a clean cut, breaking off contact, and entrenching opinions out of spite on their side. Grit your teeth and roll up that rock, Sisyphus. Calm arguments and facts, tackle the ball not the player. And find a way to channel your frustration elsewhere (punching bag in the garage, walk the dog, friendly ear that maybe isn't your wife's, etc.).

I should preface everything I'm about to say by saying there is probably a reason you are married and I am not, and that my response is probably wrong.

I lived a somewhat similar experience during his first presidency and COVID. Personally, I would have the most issues with my partner. By ignoring the abhorrent behavior and decisions of their family and choosing to interact with them anyway, they are condoning what their family is doing. Even if they are somewhat vocal in their disagreement, the family is avoiding the consequences of their actions since the spouse is still giving them what they want.

If my spouse shut them down and called them on all of their bull shit, I'd probably be OK with them continuing the relationship, but most people aren't willing to do that.

Depends on how much you value your wife.

Id just talk about it being disgusting like they didn't vote for it. 'Other it' around them and try not to put it like you're attacking them. I'd say, for the sake of your family connection by way of your wife, you have to stomach some degree of it. Engendering division only helps the goblins like Miller and Bannon.

I'm talking as someone who's mother and father voted for Brexit instead of trump, and I refuse to act like it hasn't been a gigantic fucking mess.

It's your and your wife's home. So your rules apply. Make that agreement with your wife beforehand. So there are no fights afterwards.

Things like;

1. She must not address you. Basically act as if the other person does not exist.
2. The visit will be as short as reasonably possible. For longer bouts with her daughter, your wife can visit her mother.
3. She must be humble and accept the extreme difference in views.

You don't have to agree with your family's politics. It's basically guaranteed a huge chunk will disagree with you on something. Just don't talk about politics with them since it upsets you so much.

It's perfectly reasonable to steer the conversation away from politics if it comes up, and if they insist, particularly at your house, be a bit more direct about not having political discussions over the dinner table.