Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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It's a bit of both:
My friends need a drop-in replacement for Discord (or as close as possible), sooner rather than later. My idea for self hosting is to defeat the need of someone hosting a 24/7 server; if we all host our own accounts on our own computers we'd essentially have a peer-to-peer Discord-like group.
The other reason is indeed to learn, because every centralised service has the same problem; it's not a question if a service will turn bad, but when. It's an inevitability, and it's happening faster and more frequently. The only out-way I see is if me and at least some of my friends learn to self-host.
There are some misconceptions here, probably because your experience with the internet outside of these decentralised / federated services has taught you those.
1.) Servers are expected to be online 24x7. Clients can go offline and online as they please, but servers are always always always online. Otherwise very strange things start happening.
2.) Peer to peer stuff is generally speaking, somewhat brittle, because of the kinds of compromises it comes with.
3.) Signing up on an xmpp server managed by someone else is still not signing up to a centralised service. Its still just one node on the XMPP super network. Your friends can still sign up on some other server, and you can still talk to each other, with whatever clients you prefer.
There may still be a case to be made for installing movim on your own computers, but I'd say, go with the easy route and pick any movim instance from the link shared above.