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Running it as a VM or even on a server that is running other services and potentially competing for I/O or memory bandwidth also introduces many other potential sources of inefficiency. I always recommend running a firewall on dedicated bare metal hardware, it is a very specialized task with very particular requirements on behalf of both the hardware and the software and it has very little tolerance for other sources of latency or delays. That doesn't mean you need to use a pre-built appliance, but it does explain why it's so common, and running it on a VM on a server that is doing other stuff is likely contributing to your issues significantly.
Personally, I run my firewall/router on a very stripped-down Debian with almost no non-essential services and a custom built kernel. I hand-picked a multi-port PCIe x4 Intel NIC with good Linux compatibility and drivers, and I'm using foomuuri to handle the routing and kea to handle DHCP/DNS for my internal network. This is a very minimal, bare-bones configuration and I wouldn't really recommend it unless you really know what you're doing, and it's absolutely not "idiot mode networking" and if that's what you want you're going to have a real bad time if you try to follow in my footsteps, because I am a very different kind of idiot. But it works for me, so it's proof that it is possible.