No Stupid Questions

I'm American. My grandpa was American. After my grandma died, he remarried a British woman.

One time when I was 7, she asked if I wanted pudding with dinner. As a kid I said YES!!! I didn't even ask what flavor. Chocolate. Vanilla. Tapioca. Banana. Fuck it. I don't care. You offered pudding, and a fat kids answer is always yes. No further questions needed.

Well, we have this meal with meat and gravy, and potatos, and a biscuit. It was all very good.

But then dinner was over.

And I'm waiting.

Everyone is leaving the table. They're acting like the meal is over.

Haaaaaaaaang on.

"Um....excuse me.....is the pudding ready?"

"Oh. You want another pudding? I think we have some more."

".....more?"

And then she hands me a teacup plate with another biscuit.

"I mean....ok. I'll eat this too, but where is the pudding?"

"Dear, this IS your pudding!"

long silence as I realize there is no pudding

"This is why everyone besides papa doesn't like you."

42 now. I stand by what I said. You don't tease a fat kid with sweets, and then give glorified bread.

In general I liked her. I was the only one who did.

In that moment though??? She was dead to me.

There's a bit more context to some of these (UK).

If you say you're getting something out of the boot then it's going to be out of the car, but if you're putting on your boots then you're probably putting on some sturdy footwear.

When used as slang, a knob is definitely a dick, but it's also used in door knob (just a lump to pull on, rather than a handle) or can be used as a quantity of butter, i.e. a knob of butter to go on your toast.

Biscuits can include crackers, but generally they aren't baked goods with raising agents or yeast.

Chips are not french fries. They're in between French fries and potato wedges, and the best ones are crispy on the outside but soft on the inside. Some people think they shouldn't be crispy, but they're wrong.

To add another: ‘pants’ means trousers in the US, but in the UK it means underpants. Can lead to some funny misinterpretations.

Used to have a coworker who'd recently immigrated from the UK to the US. While we were working, I told him I was going to wear a fanny pack somewhere. The expression he gave me immediately told me something was wrong; he looked like I'd just said something really profane but didn't understand what, so I thought maybe he didn't know what a "fanny pack" was and only knew "fanny" as euphemistic slang for a butt. It took a solid minute at least before we figured out this was a false friend.

It was on that day that he learned what "fanny pack" means (and what "fanny" means in the US and Canada) and that I learned that "fanny" is all kinds of vulgar in the UK.

Just adding that Boot is a Boat in German

Bloody maybe too?