this post was submitted on 02 May 2026
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A Boring Dystopia
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"Why does a toaster need internet connection?"
"So it can receive firmware updates."
"Why does it need any updates?"
"Security patches because of the internet connectivity."
"What benefit does the Internet connection offer?"
"You can make toast remotely."
"but don't I have to put bread in?"
"..."
"don't I need to be there to eat it?"
"..."
So you suggest we need to add a system that can put bread and dispose of it when it's ready.
We once had a printer that we couldn’t stop or the main software would fail. We didn’t want the printouts so we fed it directly into a shredder.
The good old days of recycling and feed paper.
Don't give them ideas! Next it will only toast revolition brand bread. Any other will not turn on the toaster and void warranty
There's an RFID chip in the bread to enable toasting on compatible models.
"No, that's the XF-6800 toaster, it can only toast XF 6-series bread and above. You're using XC-4, you need the one that says "premium ultra."
They already do that to authenticate cheese.
They put it in the rind that nobody eats, and that's to combat counterfeits, not to userlock appliances
Why doesn't this surprise me at all?
In the future, all of our meals will be in the cloud. An implant in your tongue will allow you to taste them. Calories will be distributed into your stomach with an HP Cartidge which you must replace regularly.
Wait... I kind of want this.
What is wrong with you?
A device connected to the cloud that will produce small film sheets (like those Listerine breath mint sheets that gave my former druggie youth pastor pause the first time I ever offered him one) that can be configured to reproduce the flavors you crave.
Wild guess, it's one of those gadget toasters that can toast images in bread. There are some that toast the weather forecast or a selfie.
OK Go took it to the next level.
It doesn't, besides some preconfigured toast settings, it features a photo frame on the display. That's it
To be a fly on the wall in that initial design meeting..
Boring dystopia indeed
If only there were some other, better way to look at stuff from the Internet.
I used my laser cutter to do this once. It was pretty cool.
And not a single Jesus or Virgin Mary.
Those need the indulgence level of subscription to unlock
This is a good joke. Excellent even.
In case there are innovations in bread.
Hear me out. Bread. With AI!
I mean... I don't think long-chain gluten molecules can do computations. But, there are other ways to combine AI and bread. There's all that waste heat being generated by AI computations. It could be used for baking...
I bet people would be a lot less opposed to datacenters if everyone of them had a bakery built in and the delicious scent of sourdough wafted out whenever anybody was making out with their AI waifu.
Connecting a coffee pot to internet still makes sense, obviously to brew coffee HTCPCP
Had never actually checked out the RFC, awesome!