science

The logic isn't logic-ing. I don't mean to antagonize you out of some schadenfreude or malice, but I do believe that sometimes passively accepting nonsense can be a form of tacit approval which becomes enablement. It's a normal thing to have a desire to construct a narrative that is gentle to ourselves, but such a construction needs to stay as close to reality as one can possibly muster, which can be difficult. Oftentimes the harshest isn't even the acceptance of a terrible situation, but that our own imperfect decision-making might've enabled some aspect of those situations and could be improved. I don't doubt for a second that your mental health journey has been hell, nor that you have had toxic people around you, nor that professionals and close ones have failed you. This including the strong possibilty of bad prescriptions and their side effects. What I am saying is that you don't have to go to the same professionals, you don't have to get the same prescriptions (or possibly any, depending), and you should fight harder to keep your own agency. Finding good psychiatrists, good therapists, good advice, and good support isn't easy and can take a while but it can be done. At least consider the possibilty, you sound plenty smart to do so. Fully removing yourself from the equation - however relieving of inwardly-eroding negative feelings of guilt or sadness, shame, anger, et cetera - only serves to dig you further in the hole.