this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2026
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The most conventionally attractive woman I ever dated, and she had it all, was so incredibly negative about her body but she thought everyone else was beautiful. It actually got kind of exhausting because I would compliment her, not just her looks either, I spent a lot of time trying to learn how to compliment well while dating her. Complimenting her wardrobe choices, hair styles, jewelry; things she actively put effort into is where I’d try to deliver most of my compliments. Anyway, I felt like I was taking crazy pills because she was an absolute bombshell and the most receptive response to any compliment I ever received was “you’re biased”. I didn’t compliment her because I needed her to respond any certain way but I often wonder what happened that kept her from seeing how gorgeous she was. Another behavior I couldn’t figure out is that she almost seemed more drawn to people that would put her down, almost like she expected that treatment or it was a comfort zone for her or something.
I'd suspect either abuse in the past or being a really awkward looking teenager. I know it took me a long time to accept I turned out attractive because I looked just awful during puberty.
There's also masochistic epistemology, ie the thought pattern that truth hurts and so that which hurts is true and that which feels good is a lie (it's very popular in toxic internet spaces for example).