Ask Lemmy

I always work towards being better,

Imho, it's the only thing that should really matter to anyone willing to change. Looking forward, not backward and not judging anyone (including myself) but trying to understand. To me, that's what 'getting better' means.

I accept that this is the world, it is fucked up but it also has all of tgese amazing things in it

There are amazing things indeed, and they're priceless. And we're lucky to be able to appreciate them.

The thing is that what you call 'bad things' are also part of the package. Like all of us not being perfect. Not a single one of us.

Bad things are legit part of the world. They're not an accident. They're not an error. Like the shadow goes with the light, you cannot have the good bits without also tasting the shittier ones. No one can.

Like no one can be perfect either. As a matter of fact, I will say that we're all shitty persons and the difference is in how we teach ourselves (and kids) how to deal with what we are, the good as well as the bad, and how we learn to better control our worst traits (I call that "keeping the animal under leash").

this is just something that is out of my control but also directly affects me.

try to really think what is under your 'control' and you will realize it's not much beside your own thoughts, emotions and reactions to whatever may happen around you.

You did not control being born, nor who your parents are or your friends (working hard enough, you may be lucky to be able to pick your foes). You barely control how you look. You don't control with whom you (don't) fall in love. You don't control the weather or who is deciding what in the rest of the world. You don't even control if you're enjoying spinach, or not ;)

None of us control much.

More often than not, the need for control 'control' is a way to avoid facing our fear (fear of the other, of the unknown, of the uncertainty and fear of oneself). It's that fear trying to hide itself behind something seemingly actionable, and therefore so reassuring. Like little kids checking under their beds every night before going to sleep. Cute but also not the most effective way to fight a monster... when there is one.

The day I started welcoming that fear and doubt in my life (and in my head) is the day I started getting bett... less shittier of a person myself. At least I think so ;)

For example, on a really depressive day I might end up staying in bed for the first 4 hours, while with weed I might get up and clean and shift my mood towards a more hopeful one

Don't be afraid to admit you depend on that. I depended on my own addictions back then. Admitting it is the first step to effectively getting rid of it.

Imho, weed is not the issue as I reckon it does to you more or less exactly what you want it do? The issue is you not realizing you could get the same or a very similar result without relying on weed. Which would be cheaper and much healthier choice for you,. A choice without any bad side effect btw.