Aotearoa / New Zealand

This must be satire:

Various political parties are telling us how we can fix our ailing country, but the answer is simple. New Zealand’s woes can be solved in an instant.

By becoming the 51st state of America, our nation’s future will suddenly brighten.

It might require us to swear allegiance to the President of the United States, but just think of that and the other benefits.

Tariffs imposed on our exporters will be gone in an instant.

A flood of greenbacks will be invested into our ailing economy, resulting in artificial intelligence-inspired data centres dotting the countryside.

Living in a country where the Second Amendment applies will also end the archaic licensing rules that apply to the purchase of firearms.

A major disagreement with our neighbour Australia will no longer concern us as we will have a huge new umbrella of protection.

It will mean welcoming in nuclear warships and submarines of every type, so just think of the economic benefits to our port cities.

Hearts will burst with pride when our athletes compete under our new flag, and we Americans will stand en masse as the engaging Star-Spangled Banner anthem rings out.

With the Beehive becoming redundant, it can be replaced with a ballroom and permanent mixed martial arts arena, perhaps leading to a visit from Air Force One.