this post was submitted on 31 Aug 2026
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Mildly Infuriating
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Lots of people arguing about this in the comments, but I'm glad there's so many people defending the position that it's ok to do bad things if you're poor, because that's exactly my position. I wasn't in the military, though, no.
I was the guy that trafficked kids to Epstein's Island.
I don't talk about it a lot because most of the time people judge me pretty harshly for it. You wouldn't believe how many dates have walked out on me the moment I drop what I used to do for a living. I mean, look, I'm not a pedophile myself. Most of the guys I was working for were just desperate and in it for the money. I don't support what the guys in Washington decided to pay me for. Blame them, not me.
What was I supposed to do, work in a warehouse or a grocery store or something? What am I, some kind of chump? Fuck that. With the money I made duct taping children's mouths shut and throwing them into my trunk, I managed to earn enough money to put myself through college, and finally persue my real passion.
That's right. Now I'm finally able to persue a dual major in Moral Philosophy and Women's Studies. Also, funny coincidence, I'm a TA and I'm actually teaching one of the girls I met in my previous line of work about feminism. What a funny little coincidence!
Thank you for your service defending what this country stands for.
your honor, I object