this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2026
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I imagine one feature they could claim, would be pre-set coffee brew times that are sync'd up with internet time servers to ensure they're kept in alignment with DST, and so they don't 'drift'/need routine adjustments.
I could even imagine coffee machine makers purposely gibbling the clocks, to make them drift more, if they're not sync'd up. Sorta like removing granular feature-based screenlock times on a smart phone (eg don't sleep while streaming video), and replacing that functionality with a blanket "click this function to prevent your phone from sleeping while you look at it, don't worry, we won't record your face / send any of that data out to third parties, we swear!" to force people to use the face monitoring features.
They'll also prolly build in AI, so that you can speak to your coffee machine to operate it, and remove most of the buttons at some point. Then they'll need to constantly update the AI, because "Hackers have figured out how to make our coffee machines turn into super intelligent skynet terminators! OH NO!! Update immediately and buy our stock!!! DOOOM!!".
Okay but like that shouldn't use more than maybe a few MB per month with tons of metadata added in -- it's like it's uploading HD video at the rate mentioned in OP
Yeah, but you see, they're using the new "Rich Data" time messaging blocks, which include recordings of nearby audio. They need that data so that they can train their AI models on what a normal kitchen sounds like -- so that the AI coffee maker can then alert you or the proper authorities to things like break-ins, and mice, and spouses sneaking midnight snacks, and political wrongspeak, and fires, and earthquakes. That sort of thing.