this post was submitted on 05 Aug 2025
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Long post

I’m a nurse working ER. I’m also introverted and like keeping to myself. I also may be on the spectrum (haven’t been diagnosed, but I find social cues and when people are being sincere, joking or lying very difficult to understand. I understand what people say literally. Why would they otherwise speak?)

I also separate my job from my personal life, as my job is not my identity. I don’t care about my coworkers’ life but ask the ones who know more than me about anything job related, to learn, to be a better nurse, to have more opportunities.

Today I had a conversation with 2 managers where I was fired. Not from the hospital due to my union but from the ER. In a nutshell, as they put it: they (whoever they might be) see that I’m motivated and want to learn but they find my way of speaking demanding.

I have absolutely no idea what they mean. They didn’t provide any example. They however provided an example where somebody claims I told a student to put a line. I never did such a thing, but I have the feeling they don’t believe me. The never put anything on writing, or gave me anything to sign. I won’t be signing anything from them.

Then one of the managers started a monologue about he’s been working 30 years there, that communication is important. True, communication here is extremely relevant, but about procedures, patients and who does what, not about why Americans are idiots or how many children you have, not to the point of ignoring alarms, not to the point where I am the only one entering patient’s data in the computer while my coworkers speak about what to cook for dinner. Oftentimes I was the only one noticing how we’re under supplied or that some ECG cables don’t work while the chatty ones did they thing and ignored I was working while they lazy around.

I didn’t get to say all of this because they interrupted. It’s like they believe the talkative ones over me. Why would I want to work for people like that?

After this both sides talked but didn’t listen to what the other side had to say. I felt they weren’t listening to me. Why should I listen to them?

Before I left I told them I’m looking for a unit where I can learn. That’s ALL I need from the workplace to be better. To them this is not good enough.

To me it looks like this: you don’t mingle with us (us being coworkers and management), therefore you are worse than us and deserve to be ignored, but I’m not at a workplace to socialize, but to learn and to earn money. Am I the only person on earth to think like this? Why can’t people keep their opinions to themselves? I leave them alone and only talk about work. If I have nothing to say, I say nothing and learn. I don’t understand why people are so needy for conversation and thin skinned. I didn’t say this out loud because in my past people have bullied me for being me.

I was also accused of not being polite.

I’ll miss working that ER because in the 8 weeks I was there I learned stuff you don’t learn on other units. To me this unit was a good one because I learned new things and people left me alone during downtime to figure out how procedures and machines work, people didn’t complain when I looked the internet for instruction manuals or asked coworkers if we give sodium bicarbonate by metabolic acidosis or alkalosis. I was an motivated coworker, even when people who were supposed to train me sat and did nothing while I was taking samples. I always asked what I didn’t know.

I’ll also miss working with most doctors, because they were always ready to teach me stuff, so I really don’t understand why managers say my way of speaking is demanding.

My managers don’t see or don’t want to see that people treat you better and forgive your mistakes if you give them attention, if you’re likable. I’m not likable. They also don’t see that they say a lot of stupid crap if a coworker prefers to keep to himself. I also find this sad. I feel they think I’m doing this on purpose.

If you’re an extrovert and have read so far: I don’t think you understand how taxing is to care about things that are simply, irrelevant. It’s like my managers expect me to make theatrics and give attention to everyone I work with. I already did this on a previous job and it was ridiculous: fake smiling to a secretary and asking her stupid stuff for 5 minutes straight, smiling like a clown because otherwise she would feel offended. Why is that my job? Sometimes I work with 8 coworkers. Am I supposed to be a sucker with all of them? I find that childish.

I feel they presented an ultimatum: either give us and coworkers attention or be fired. I didn’t bulge because they didn’t listen.

And I still don’t know if this is a good outcome, because I’m not going to change what I am to conform to some extroverted standards of what a good coworkers is supposed to be, because I can’t and I don’t understand them (extroverts).

I don’t know if this puts me on the spectrum and I find it unfair being treated so differently because I like to keep to myself and learn during downtime.

I’ve always have such issues working for other employers. It’s clear this is who I am and trying to change me it’s like expecting a gay to like women.

But if this means I’m alone in the universe, that I’m always the loner people always talk shit about and marginalize, how am I supposed to live my life and work life then?

ETA: I inquired the union about protections for people on the spectrum and I’m waiting for an answer but even if I get a diagnosis I don’t want to expose myself to more bullying by disclosing it to my employer: the hospital I work at is full of gossips.

So what do I do?

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[–] devolution@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (2 children)

40/60 rule here.

HOW you communicate an issue is more important than what you say. You can be 100% right and if you are abrasive and difficult to deal with, then you won't get your point across. It's not about extroversion versus introversion. It's about how you communicate.

We are dumb primates after all.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

40/60 rule here.

I'm sorry but I'm gonna have to ask what you mean: 40% taking 60% giving?, 40% concentrating on my job 60% talking about inane stuff to placate them?

[–] devolution@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You've never heard of 40/60?

40% is the words that are said. 60% is body language and tone.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 5 points 1 week ago

I am really this disconnected. thanks

[–] spankmonkey@lemmy.world 1 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The people OP are talking about see direct communication and clarity as abrasive. It is absolutely extroversion vs introversion.

I have worked with plenty of people who all react differently to the same interactions and have the opposite takeaways on whether someone was polite or abrasive. Like one guy I worked with always gave clear answers to things that were asked clearly, but when someone was indirect and wanted the person to infer something any follow up questions (asked directly and without any real emotion) was seen as them refusing to 'just get it'. That is what these managers sound like. Extroverts who don't understand that introverts aren't asshokes for not playing the small talk routine and pretending to be happy about everything.

[–] dennis5wheel@programming.dev 0 points 1 week ago (1 children)

true, I like getting to the point so nobody wastes energy, but people believe what they want to believe and are really fast making assumptions.

[–] nemo@piefed.social 1 points 6 days ago

One person's "getting to the point" is another person's "stripping away context", unfortunately. Sometimes we just have to suffer through a long anecdote because the speaker can't separate the relevant and irrelevant parts themself. They're not trying to waste our time, they just organize information differently.