Ask Lemmy

34043 readers

1326 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Rules: (interactive)

1) Be nice and; have fun

Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them

2) All posts must end with a '?'

This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?

3) No spam

Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.

4) NSFW is okay, within reason

Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].

5) This is not a support community.

It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

6) No US Politics.

Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online

Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

Bluetreefrog@lemmy.world

TheSaneWriter@lemm.ee

Asudox@lemmy.world

lemmy_bot@lemmy.world

beefbaby182@lemmy.world

ModeratorCan@lemmy.world

neidu3@sh.itjust.works

asudox@lemmy.asudox.dev

candyman337@lemmy.world

candyman337@sh.itjust.works

155

Men who feel like fully functional people, how did you get there? (lemmy.world)

submitted 2 days ago by Artisian@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

77 comments fedilink hide all child comments

For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?

Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] sunbeam60@lemmy.ml 7 points 18 hours ago

I’m not advocating for any of these, but my journey towards feeling secure in a male adult identity was probably:

Good set of male friends in high-school that I still keep in touch with (at 48). That was pure luck, I didn’t get to choose them ending up in my class.
Joined the army at 18. Hard work but definitely forced me into a number of situations I wouldn’t otherwise have had to deal with and raised my personal confidence that the unknown was generally something that could be handled.
Did the Landmark Forum early twenties. I do not recommend this to anyone but it did wonders for me.
Through doing a bunch of shitty jobs learnt to apply for good jobs.
Raised with high expectations. Parents weren’t jerks or unreasonable but they expected me to apply myself without ever nagging at me. Good parents is a huge hidden privilege.
Met my wife at the right time and through sheer luck she turned out to be perfect.

In short: Mostly luck, privilege and a bit of hard work. And when I say privilege I do not mean money. That we had not very much of.