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For masculine identifying folks, what were the things you did (or had happen to you) that you feel helped you transition into adulthood and find fulfilling community?

Statistics suggest that a large number of men feel isolated, unvalued by society, and dysfunctional, but it's not 100%.

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[–] exasperation@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 13 hours ago

I learned to be comfortable in my own skin by my late 20's. I realized that my interests and hobbies might not line up with everyone else's, but that I could prioritize my own wants and desires in a way that was both true to myself and could make my life easier.

Career wise, I bounced around with different fields and employers between about 5 cities in my adult life, before I found a role in my mid 30's that really fits my mild ADHD, where my strengths (good research and writing skills) are helpful and my weaknesses (absent mindedness, inability to sit still and focus on a single task for more than half an hour at a time) don't matter in this position.

Socially, I made lots of good friends in my 20's and 30's, and have a diversity of different types of friendships. I have a few groups of fun friends that I like doing certain activities with (one set of camping/hiking friends, another set of skiing friends, a bunch of groups of dinner party/dining out friends, a bunch of neighborhood parents for hanging out with in kid friendly places). And between some of the individual friends, some are great for emotional support when going through tough times, and I try to reciprocate when they're going through tough times, too.

My parents had church, but I'm not religious anymore, but I still try to build that level of regular in-person contact with the same people through my other recurring meetings: a designated weekly kids night at a neighborhood pizza place, a monthly happy hour with a group of friends that I work near but not with, rotating dinner parties/backyard BBQs with another core group.

And in my early 30's, I met a partner who just gets me (and vice versa), so we got married. Our quirks complement each other, and we can cover each other's weaknesses. I love parenting with her, and our household just works really well. We make each other better, and that has generally translated into building up strong foundations for relationships across both friendships and our professional networks, so that we are both in a good place socially and in our careers (which has helped our respective incomes skyrocket since we've met, so we're basically rich now).

Not everything is sunshine and rainbows, but having a good base helps getting through the tougher experiences that life inevitably throws our way.