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How do people who can't have or don't want penetrative sex find compatible partners? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago by sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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I (22M, heterosexual) am interested in a sensual and affectionate form of intimacy involving purely oral stimulation. My desire is entirely centered on kissing and being kissed as a way to exchange love and pleasure (with oral sex being an extension of kissing). It is so hot to me that it is genuinely all I want, and penetrative forms of sex do not interest me. (Due to medical issues, they also might not work super well at this point.)

I have never had a sexual partner because I was raised with a traditional model of intimacy in which an active male partner penetrates a passive female partner. Since my desires did not fit this framework, I never tried to even date anyone, believing that the type of intimacy I wanted - one in which both partners took turns giving and receiving oral pleasure - was impossible. At least, not without having to participate in an activity that didn't arouse me.

I am not nearly as ignorant as I was back then, but I would like to know if there is a general dating strategy to efficiently narrow things down to women who aren't interested in or don't require penetrative sex.

Does anyone know of someone in a similar situation who found a compatible partner regardless? If so, how did they do it?

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[–] teolan@lemmy.world 7 points 1 day ago

The clitoris is much more exposed outside than it is inside the vagina. For most women penetration doesn't feel that much compared external forms of stimulations.

Just look for someone that's not judgmental and that you can talk to about sexcbefor doing it and explain. A ton of women complain that sex revolves too much around penetration for them. Odds are they won't have any issue with you not being interested in it and they might even see this as a plus.