Ask Lemmy

34471 readers

1461 users here now

A Fediverse community for open-ended, thought provoking questions

Rules: (interactive)

1) Be nice and; have fun

Doxxing, trolling, sealioning, racism, and toxicity are not welcomed in AskLemmy. Remember what your mother said: if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. In addition, the site-wide Lemmy.world terms of service also apply here. Please familiarize yourself with them

2) All posts must end with a '?'

This is sort of like Jeopardy. Please phrase all post titles in the form of a proper question ending with ?

3) No spam

Please do not flood the community with nonsense. Actual suspected spammers will be banned on site. No astroturfing.

4) NSFW is okay, within reason

Just remember to tag posts with either a content warning or a [NSFW] tag. Overtly sexual posts are not allowed, please direct them to either !asklemmyafterdark@lemmy.world or !asklemmynsfw@lemmynsfw.com. NSFW comments should be restricted to posts tagged [NSFW].

5) This is not a support community.

It is not a place for 'how do I?', type questions. If you have any questions regarding the site itself or would like to report a community, please direct them to Lemmy.world Support or email info@lemmy.world. For other questions check our partnered communities list, or use the search function.

6) No US Politics.

Please don't post about current US Politics. If you need to do this, try !politicaldiscussion@lemmy.world or !askusa@discuss.online

Reminder: The terms of service apply here too.

Partnered Communities:

Logo design credit goes to: tubbadu

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

Bluetreefrog@lemmy.world

TheSaneWriter@lemm.ee

Asudox@lemmy.world

lemmy_bot@lemmy.world

beefbaby182@lemmy.world

ModeratorCan@lemmy.world

neidu3@sh.itjust.works

asudox@lemmy.asudox.dev

candyman337@lemmy.world

candyman337@sh.itjust.works

How do people who can't have or don't want penetrative sex find compatible partners? (lemmy.world)

submitted 1 day ago by sprigatito_bread@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

22 comments fedilink hide all child comments

I (22M, heterosexual) am interested in a sensual and affectionate form of intimacy involving purely oral stimulation. My desire is entirely centered on kissing and being kissed as a way to exchange love and pleasure (with oral sex being an extension of kissing). It is so hot to me that it is genuinely all I want, and penetrative forms of sex do not interest me. (Due to medical issues, they also might not work super well at this point.)

I have never had a sexual partner because I was raised with a traditional model of intimacy in which an active male partner penetrates a passive female partner. Since my desires did not fit this framework, I never tried to even date anyone, believing that the type of intimacy I wanted - one in which both partners took turns giving and receiving oral pleasure - was impossible. At least, not without having to participate in an activity that didn't arouse me.

I am not nearly as ignorant as I was back then, but I would like to know if there is a general dating strategy to efficiently narrow things down to women who aren't interested in or don't require penetrative sex.

Does anyone know of someone in a similar situation who found a compatible partner regardless? If so, how did they do it?

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments

[–] roofuskit@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I'm glad you chimed in because this was my first instinct, but it didn't seem responsible to say so when I have no experience there. It's why I recommend speaking to a therapist.