this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2025
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Its a call to be present.
There is nothing inherently wrong with wearing headphones on the train, but ask yourself why you're doing it.
If you put on Headphones to keep people from talking to you, you're making the choice to opt out of the human experience.?Make that choice every day on a 45 minute commute and after only a week 7.5 hours where you've opted out of chance encounter, conversation, possibly meeting a new friend or partner. It might not be a bad idea to make the choice to NOT disconnect, actively choosing to engage in the world around us makes a huge difference in how we percieve it, and how it percieves us.
An experiment I'd suggest, if you're the type to default to using your phone as an idle activity:
Next time you're idle and get the urge to pull out your phone, instead look around you and find the most interesting thing you can see. Why is it interesting? Is there anything abnormal about it? Is it's place significant? Take that and note it in your mind, have a conversation with a coworker about it later. Then take note, how did this pointless conversation make me feel?
Being present by choice, especially if done often, will create chances to engage with the World, and its inhabitants.
The other day someone told me life was boring. Put the phone down, make more than the 2 meter cone you can see from around your phone visible, and you'll find the World has a lot of engagement to offer.
I don't any randos talking to me on the train. Commute is worse enough without people trying to "connect with me" during it.
Lots of research shows that random social interactions are far more enjoyable than people expect them to be.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-social-explorer/202502/if-socializing-is-so-good-for-us-why-do-we-avoid-it
It's like 90% drunk homeless people that talk to you on trains and buses though. It gets tiring.
If I want chance encounters with sober people, I'll go to the bar. I mean eventually the people there get drunk too, but it's a nice "5 hours and 10 beers" drunk not "what month and/or year is it" drunk.
I’m the guy who takes a shot at a random conversation on the plane.
Doesn’t often turn into anything, but sometimes it’s a nice little glimpse into humanity.
Guess I don’t know what trains you’re on that are so full of the drunk and homeless, but that sounds like a problem in its own right.
I once took an overnight flight from the west coast to the east coast. The flight wasn't very crowded and I intentionally picked a seat away from other ocupied seats.
I get on the plane, as I'm warking back to my seat I notice there's entire rows that are empty. So instead of picking a seat in an open row, and this. fucking. guy. picked the window seat closest to my aisle seat, and he talked for most of the flight. In hindsight I should have just sat somewhere else when I first noticed him.
I expect it not to happen and hope it stays that way since. Please jusr don't bother me while I'm on the train
Or getting hit on. I’m just trying to go home, I have no desire to chat with you. I’m busy go away.
Great if your culture encourages that I guess? I do that in East Asia and I'll get weird stares from everyone. And they'll ask you to mind your own business which, I agree. It's basic respect here to not talk on the train.
Sometimes I leave my house to to other things that besides “being social” I can only imagine horror when trying to get my errands done but all kinds of people everywhere I go keep trying to talk to me I mean I get, maybe a bit more eye contact and general nods to acknowledge people’s existence, but when I go out to be social vs when I don’t are separate things and I think that’s okay