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Memories are fuzzy, but I should have one, since the N-600 required it.
That said tho, birth certificates don't exactly prove much, other than that I legally exist. I mean, what if that birth certificate was issued in the name of a deceased person? What if, hypothetically speaking, if these aren't my biological parents, and their original kid died, and they kidnapped me as a weird parental desire to fill in their now-dead child's place, used as like a sort of bandaid over their grief or something?
Idk maybe I read too much fucked up news stories or watch too many tv drama.
And no, I got a bunch of referrals but sort of procrastinated. I should probably schedule an appointment, this depression headache is killing me.
I don't have a driver license so I need my parents to drive me to doctors visits. Unless I'm gonna waste like $30 on Uber every trip, which I don't have the luxury of. And I absolutely cannot do public transit, tooo many people. My parents (if they even are my parents, that is) are busy all the time. I'm too broke, and I need them be with me to get them to pay the copays.
Oh fuck, ever since I stopped taking antidepressants, my thoughts just go fucking wild.
My dude, you should not stop taking those meds.
Prescription ran out, PCP told me to visit an actual psychaitrist, since there's not been any improvement and I've been kinda procratinating on the making appointments part. I don't have a driver's license to be going places by myself. (I hate public transit, too many people)
Then like I think a month ago, got a referral from the PCP, I did it online via video call, then they told me they are more of doing talk therapy and basically told me to go somewhere else if I'm "drugseeking" (they didn't actually say this, they used a more "polite" corpo speech like "oh sooo sorry, we can't really help you here, here's a bunch of referrals and fuck right off", (okay they didn't say that either, but that's practically what I got from it))
So I was supposed to find another place to seek treatment, but all I've been doing for the past month was binge watching TV and Anime. And ruminating on childhood, both the trauma and the rare happy moments, having another existential crisis. Really just trying to keep the suicidal thoughts at bay.
Oh they charged $500, for a 30 minute call jesus christ, insurance dropped it back to $150, but oh well I hope my parents pays for it. Because they caused me depression in the first place.
I did a quick search, each session after the initial evaluation could still cost like $200, not sure how many sessions insursnce cover.
Lovely right? Very lovely. Wanna speed run it and maybe reincarnate into Norway. Jesus christ.
Skip the referral nonsense and look for a ccbhc mental health place. They often get written off as being for druggies and homeless, because they're grant funded and required to offer services, but they do service everyone and they're normally far more inclined to help you than charge you. Mine even offers a sliding scale based on income. They'll not only hook you up with a therapist, but likely med management and potentially peer support.
It must be tough, these sounds like pretty intense feelings and thoughts. Have you considered remote mental health options? I've used them in the past and found them useful