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why is radical acceptance not being a spineless conformist? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 3 months ago by sarah2653@lemmy.ml to c/nostupidquestions@lemmy.world

8 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Let me explain what I mean:

radical acceptance: ever think about how your coworkers are morons, your elderly parents have declined beyond recognition and actively work against you and seem to live to ruin every single one of your days, your boss is an insufferable, exploitative ass, your uncle has lung cancer but keeps smoking a pack a day, your teenager daughter is doing drugs because is trendy, just like you did when you were her age? You cannot change how any of those actors in your life behave, people are free to do whatever they want, even to do stupid crap like that. Trying to change any of those actors is futile and guarantees your mental health decreases overtime and they resent you for caring about them. The better but not ideal solution? Radical acceptance. They are what they are, don’t try to change them, accept them how they are. Let them fail.

This was suggested to me while talking about relatives with dementia and other mental illnesses, but I don’t know if I’m stretching the definition too much.

Spineless conformist: if there are things I cannot control nor change, like climate change, lack of a public healthcare system in America, fptp, maga… why even try? I’d be both radical accepting reality while being a spineless conformist.

Where’s do you draw the line?

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[–] Perspectivist@feddit.uk 8 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

What’s spineless about not trying to change things you truly can’t change? Wouldn’t it be delusional to keep trying despite knowing it’ll make no difference? I think the important thing here is to distinguish between things you truly have no power over and things you can’t fix yourself but can still play a role in alleviating - or at the very least, behaving in a way that you’re not contributing to making them worse.

I think my personal worldview has some similarities to what you’re describing as radical acceptance. I don’t believe in free will, so no matter how much of a prick someone is being, I don’t blame them personally for it. I don’t act as if they’re choosing to be that way and could just as well choose to act differently. In my view, they can’t help themselves. They couldn’t have done otherwise. Of course, they’re not immune to outside influences, and I’m not saying they lack the capability to act differently in the future - it’s never people’s future behavior we get frustrated about however, it’s their current and past behavior.

That, I simply accept as them being the malfunctioning biological robots that they are, and if anything, I’m deeply interested in how they behave. Like a car running without engine oil, I want to see how far it’ll get and what eventually happens. I do, however, move out of its path. While I might not blame someone for being insufferable, I also, for no free will of my own, don’t want to be anywhere near such a person.