Selfhosted
A place to share alternatives to popular online services that can be self-hosted without giving up privacy or locking you into a service you don't control.
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I've been trying to get zulip working.
Sounds like it addresses your requirements.
Seems to be a real bitch to self host - I've been doing this a while but the compose yaml is pretty arcane with hundreds of environment variables.
I didn't "give up" exactly but it's been on the back burner for a month or so now.