memes

For all you know it was the kid's idea

Adding to the pile, babies sense your fear.

Really though, they pick up on tone and body language and it can make their panic worse. Start making a mental checklist of needs and focus on that. Hold me, diaper, hungry, burps, teething, mom/dad, toy, pet, sleepy, panic. Keep your tone happy and confident, it helps them feel like it's less of a problem. Right now, you are the god to them, if the god is scared what does that mean for us mortals?

Find your comforts. It may feel like they have preferences, but what they're responding to is just as much you as it is the stimuli. My boy didn't understand the noise that magically appeared when he was colic, but he did understand that dad could tackle any fit he had while listening to Dido's Life for Rent album. Eventually the hopeful melancholy and sleepy tones because a comfort to him as he grew to understand the noise.

Find a stuffy that you and your baby both like. Everyone suggests getting 2 and cycling them so they don't have to go without if it's lost or damaged or dirty. I personally found that hard to do because he bonded to an anatomically accurate squid plush from an aquarium I've never been to so instead we made it a game, this is how squidly takes his bath. The uniqueness of the item made it easier to find and hard to forget.

Find children shows you can tolerate or enjoy. Sarah and Duck from the BBC did wonders for me, it was quite enough to wear an earbud over and engaging enough to watch if I had to. Bluey seems like a similar choice, and I grew up Scooby doo so I never minded. It will save you the suffering that is children's media if you curate it before you get there.

Don't be afraid to ask for help or take a break. We're hardwired to feel bad about not responding when a baby cries, but you're no good to that baby if you're no good to yourself. If you need to lock yourself in a bathroom and cry or call family to take over, or just make it through a grocery store without getting puked on, do what you need to do to make it happen. They won't remember you letting them cry it out but they will remember you being a hood example of mental health.

On that point specifically, hit me up if you're limited on peers with parenting experience. Shoot me a DM, I'll give you my contact info. Goes equally for any reader in need. Sometimes you just need a chance to have an adult conversation or say fuck without worry, my doors are always open for that.

Serious.

Put up a world map in their room.

First it teaches them colors and shapes. Then numbers and letters. Then history and science.

When they walk into kindergarten and the teacher sees they know things like directions and what the word 'island' means, they'll be the favorite pupil.

Congrats! My little one is a bit shy of a year old. So far, every second has been worth whatever headaches have happened. It truly is a wonderful thing. As long as you love your baby and do you best to act in their best interest and for what’s good for them, everything will be just fine :)

Congrats! You're going to be really tired for the next few years, but it's totally worth it for these kinds of moments and so much more!

Hey, contrasts! Sleep when you can, the first night is a delightful little prank your baby is playing on you.

Night 2 is when it really starts.

Anyway, if you're the mom, rest! If your the partner, advocate the absolute shit out of your partner. Get lactation support early and frequently. Guard access to the room so she can heal, and don't worry about what any family thinks if you're not 100% comfortable with a visit just yet. If there's a nursery available at the hospital, make use of it. I want you to read that again. MAKE. USE. OF. IT. Let the nurses take a night shift so you can get some uninterrupted sleep.

Congratulations. I remember my first day. Was super tired since the birth took a long time. Woke up shocked several times with the realization that there's a baby now and I had to check where it is and how it's doing.

Congratulations!

This better?

"It electrocutes the other children or it gets put in the pokeball again"

Maybe it's the lane to buy cigarettes.

Or Halloween. Pumpkins on the sign indicate it’s autumn.

Convention or conning people? Both?

No, it's a major part. Not in this particular form, but play with them, be goofy with them, teach them cultural things and taking them in your daily life are all major parts of parenting.