Ask Lemmy

Don't be a dick.

That basically my only requirement.

My life partner and I both considered it critical that our beliefs were strongly compatible.

We've been together for decades.

Our beliefs have changed substantially, and certainly not identically.

We're still together. There's so many more important things.

Fuck no. Organized religion is the source of most of the harms in the world. There is no man in the sky. You have no special blessing to be terrible to others.

Capitalism is responsible for most of the rest of the harms. And then a very small percent is the result of basically-bad people and mental health issues.

Sure. My parents had different religions and being an atheist I don't really have a duty to care about other people's religions.

Of course it helped that my parents weren't too seriously religious. And I've rejected religious people for having religion-tied views I find appalling. But the religion itself isn't the issue, just the things that sometimes result from it are.

It depends on how passionate about their religion and how the aspects of that passion affects people around them.

I'm a former/non-practicing Christian, and I consider myself agnostic or atheist now.

I married someone with a religion from an entirely different family of religions than Christianity, originating in an entirely different part of the world. The way their religion really affects me day-to-day is that there are certain ingredients we don't keep in the home for cooking. Really not a big deal.

But I can see dating a zealot (from a different religion or not) could pose problems

It depends. I’m atheist/agnostic, but I have a lot of respect for certain core religious philosophies. Buddhism, Sikhism, and the teachings of Jesus (note that I did not say “Christianity”) in particular.

If a persons particular practice has an ethical, humanist core I can accept that. If it encourages any kind of blind appeal or deference to authority, I cannot. I can tolerate some mysticism and mythology, but I cannot tolerate unethical teaching, dogma, or behavior.

I won't get romantically involved with anyone who deeply believes and allows religion, especially organized religion, to drive their lives.

I was raised Catholic. I have seen too many people use their religion to shirk responsibility for their evils.

Washington State mandatory reporter law changes are a great example. In the US it varies by state but in general, people in trusted positions like teachers, police officers, medical professionals, and counselors are required to report child abuse. Priests have had a special exception, even if they were acting as teachers or counselors. Last month, Washington removed the special exception for priests. The Catholic Church is now sueing to keep the right for priests to keep child abuse secret. Ponder that, these people who would put their magical ceremonies over the health, safety, even lives of children. What is the point of that religion? Because it sure isn't about helping people live good lives.

And Jesus said, "Let the children alone, and do not hinder them from coming to Me; for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these ... unless they're being abused and you wait until you're in the special room with me, chant some special words, and then tell me. Then fuck'em. No, literally, we'll keep the pedophilia on the down low because the ceremony is more important than the kids".

It depends. My religious affiliation is likely therianthropy. I don't follow a traditional religion, and see it more as a spiritual practice, much in the same way that a trans person may deeply explore their gender identity--I am also trans.

My requirements are simple; Code of conduct, not a code of "facts". I will not engage with creation theories and such. It is an insult to science, and often resists fundamentally good change.

I also will not engage with a "Reddit atheist". I think this requires no further explanation--I was one.

Hard no.

The last thing I need is the wife pestering me constantly to go to church.

Atheist here. Married a Christian who was into missions, taught Sunday school, etc...

Love is love and we don't choose who we fall in love with.

I never once tried to convert her, or call out her beliefs. But over time (she was from a small religious (mennonite) town) she came to see on her own how the indoctrination was just a cover for a lot of evil shit that went down in the church, and in its name.

She is no longer Christian, and veers towards agnosticism, but when pressed would say she is now more aligned with animism, or the idea that nature is the only 'face' of a god that is not a conscious being, but is just the culmination of all the processes in nature.

Yes, if their core beliefs are the same. Kindness, compassion, generosity, etc.

I'm atheist, and my partner was Muslim when I first knew her.

People say it doesn't mater - but honestly it really fucking does.

Imagine being in relationship with someone who never really left North Korea, deep down. There's so much fear, so much fear-driven obedience, and so much fear-driven defense of the indefensible.

I never really understood the concept of freedom of conscience until I was arguing with one of her friends about Amina Lawal, the Nigerian woman sentenced to death by stoning for adultery - with her sentence delayed until her baby was weaned. Despite being really very progressive at heart, my partner ended up arguing in favour of it - and then later on was seriously pissed off at me for making her defend that.

She ended up deconverting several years later (certainly not at my behest), and things got immeasurably better from then on.

But that's not a possibility I'd recommend banking on. My honest advice is just don't go there, it's far more stressful than you think it is.

Depends on the religion and how it manifests in daily life. Someone can have vastly different religious views from me but be more “culturally religious“ than actually a devout follower.

Atheist, married to a Buddhist. He prays daily and has his rituals.

Made it clear from the start that I'm ok with religion as long as they don't try to convert me or harm others.

Aside some dietary requirements, it works quite well. Married for 9 years now.

This works quite well for us, but results and experience may differ based on religion, patience and personal beliefs. I imagine I might have a hard time dating a religious zealot though.

No. I couldn't be with anyone who actually takes religion seriously. It just wouldn't work.

Edit: personally I consider myself an Antitheist.

Atheist here, married to another atheiest. If I were to date, beliefs would be fine as long as we were somewhat compatible. Open mindedness is a big thing here. Observing certain rituals would be no problem as long as I would not have to participate. However, if you are overly dogmatic or bigoted towards other people based on color, religion or sexuality, you can fuck off right away.

Atheist. In general I don't have a problem with religion, as long as it doesn't get uncomfortable. By that I mean stuff like forcing or forbidding me to do stuff. Not believing in basic science is a hard no as well.

But I feel like that's a problem that only part of the world has. Christianity in the U.S is a fucking cult. I don't think I could date anyone from that hardcore believe system. I'm from germany andI am yet to meet a christian that believe in the bullshit parts. Like believing in what the bible says alone is fucking weird to me and pretty much novody exeptfor hardcores does that here.

So I'd say for methe line is at "cult" level

I'll chime in myself here. Am an atheist, have dated hard core Christian women, Wiccans, and atheists. I've found that religion didn't actively impact the relationship until it spilled over into daily life that my partner required I take part in. I actually really enjoyed religious history conversations with my more moderate partners. It started to break down when it was "shut up no debate this is how it is" and those are the relationships that ended badly.

I am atheist and my wife is Buddhist. While not exactly true, I view Buddhism more as a philosophy and it is more palatable in that regard. My tolerance for people practicing religion is also fairly high as long as they don't try and "convert me".

As a result, I have been to plenty of ceremonies for things over the years and it doesn't bother me. Of course, I don't believe in any of that "magic" but there is usually loads of good food that comes attached, depending. (Also, there is a high probability of after-hours gambling and drinking which was cool when I did that stuff, at least with the Asian crowd I roll with.)

+20 years married into a Buddhist family, if you were wondering about that.

I wouldn't get involved with someone deeply religious. I'd consider someone religious if they were sufficiently wishy-washy about it, though, e.g. people who are christian and believe in it at least enough to not call themselves atheists or agnostics but don't really DO anything christian.

I think the biggest problem is when one partner believes that the other is condemned for eternity in some way (not just a hell, but also other forms like reincarnation to a lower state or anything else deemed bad)...and either they spend the relationship trying to change the other person and probably ruining it, or worse, they accept that fate for someone they claim to love.

As an atheist, I don't have that concern that my loved one is doomed to torment somehow, I just have the here and now to try and make their life with me as pleasant as I can. There is the issue of whether or not an atheist could live with someone whose rational is governed by beliefs that affect their judgement, either like mentioned above trying to convert them for their sake, or in other ways where religion steers them vs. having their own thoughts. But for what I think is a large majority, religious people mostly go through the motions if any just to fill some subconscious uncertainty and it's not enough to threaten a relationship with a differing viewpoint.

The human brain is very good at compartmentalizing things to help us get through the day.

I'm an atheist. I dated a woman once who believed in spirits. I think she experienced night terrors among other things and interpreted them as supernatural phenomena. It didn't cause problems then but I was a lot younger and I think now I'm less tolerant of that sort of thing. But who knows - I was crazy about her so maybe if I meet a woman I'm crazy about like that again then I'll tolerate anything.

More recently I've dated people who believe in a vague sort of life after death but never someone who practiced any religion. I think I would immediately rule out practicing religious people if I were going through a list (as when dating online) but if I met someone in person, really liked her, and then found out she was religious then I'm not sure what I would do. It would definitely be off-putting.

The problem for me isn't the lifestyle differences but rather my impression that religious people are missing the point about the basic nature of existence, when it really should be obvious. It makes me feel like I'm patronizing them, because to be frank I don't tend to think of them as my intellectual equals. (And I know that makes me sound like a pompous jerk.)

I find the nutty prosletysing religious folks marginally more bearable than the militant positivists and atheists who can't stop from bringing up their belief that free will is an illusion and we should all be hedonists, or that transcindentalism is an illogical lie (maybe bitter memories here).

Both infinitely more bearable than the exclusionary and persecutionary religious extremists.

I had a gf who considered herself Christian. Not someone who talked about it a lot, but I guess she has some belief. I have a fairly negative view of organized religion in general. She really wanted to start going to church and I was um, wow, sounds horrible. She looked around found a church with surprisingly cool people - not at all bible thumpers, or full of pretentious nonsense, hell and brimstone, none of that. They support LGBTQ, operated a homeless shelter, gave sermons about pro-abortion rights and astronomy. I was pleasantly surprised. Still I ended up determining that I didn't want to wake up at 7:30 each Sunday to go there. I figured out that she viewed church more as a social club and some sort of tradition from her family.

If it was someone drastically different, like talking constantly about reading the bible and telling me I had to convert and basing half their life around it, absolutely not. I not only am not interested myself but I think it would illustrate some negative aspects of their personality that I don't want to be around. I had a gf who owned a retail store and people would come in and tell her ridiculous stories about Jesus healing people when they were missionaries in Africa. Later she'd tell me and ask "Do you think that was true? Jesus really DID THAT?" and I'd have to be um... no. That lady sounds like a liar or a psycho, sorry. Not great for a relationship. It turned out it was just some feel-good thing for her. She didn't read the bible or really know anything about scripture. Just thinking "magic jesus loves me" made her feel good. I'm only really vaguely religious but still I can't respect that.

Probably not, but that entirely depends on what Religion is for Them. If Religion is only something that they themselves belief in and practice I dont really have a problem with it. If they however use their religious views to suppress others (e.g. trying to talk someone out of having an abortion because "pro life") that's an absolute no go for myself.

My wife was a freeform muslim when we met and we learned a lot from each other, then again she's a very flexible and tolerant being. I was and still am pretty much agnostic I guess. No strong opinion... no horse in the cosmic race

As long as they don't try to convert me, yes.

There's already several comments saying "depends on the beliefs and how important they are," and obviously there's that.

I'll add that there are beliefs people don't immediately think of when talking about religion. There's religious humanism, which is a secular religion based around behaving ethically which also has a bunch of traditions similar to spiritually-based religions, minus the spirituality. Adherents (can) attend church and hear sermons on ways to be a better person, etc.

I'm not a religious humanist but they sound like they're probably decent enough people. They're quite different to my generic fediverse atheist/irreligious views, in the sense that I don't have any desire to attend congregations of people who identify as religiously ethical, but I don't harbor any strong objections to their beliefs.

Personally, I understand it more as something that might be nice for people who have left spiritual religion but still want the trappings of a place to go and be with a community of like-minded people, but that's not my experience. Ultimately, that's probably about as far as I'd be comfortable, where we have roughly equivalent spiritual views but highly divergent religious views.