!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.
All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.
Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.
If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.
Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.
If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here. This includes using AI responses and summaries.
Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!
The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!
I went on quite a few dates on Bumble & Tinder, which have pay options, but you don't HAVE to pay.
Facebook dating seemed a little higher quality (somehow).
Please create a good profile that has: Some of your own words, at LEAST three RECENT pics, and NO fish pics. It didn't work for me, but good luck!
NO fish pics
Are you referring to fishing or phishing?
Guy holding fish he caught pic. I get it you don't take a lot of pictures and that was one you had. Put in some effort and go take some damn pics.
thx! are you able to chat/message people without a paywall?
Yes, but you won't be able to view who swiped on you, so you can only chat if you both swipe right.
I didn't pay and used bumble three years ago and found my wife that way. She had, however, paid for a membership for some of the extra perks it gives you, so dunno if we would have matched otherwise.
Heck, are there dating sites that work at all anymore? Over a decade ago I had some success with OkCupid but my impression is that ever since swipe apps became a thing, online dating went from bad to terrible for everyone except gay men looking for hookups. Now I might have to go low-tech and ask my grandma to introduce me to her friends' single granddaughters...
The model necessitates that they restrict your access in crummy ways or they wouldn't be solvant. I met my partner on Hinge but I was paying to be able to reach people. Glad to be done with those apps.
With the very big caveat that Iβm 15 years out of date, you might see if OKCupid or Plenty O Fish are still around.
I would check for you but Iβd rather not cause my wife to worry. I met her on OKCupid. If I remember correctly, searching was free but messages always were a paid service regardless of platform.
OkCupid was amazing 15 years ago, but it's pretty shit now. For what OP is looking for, it's probably still the best option, but it's a very low bar.
OP, if you want to check out OkCupid, message me. I can set you up with a couple of browser scripts I wrote to improve the website experience. One will show you your matches' photos. You won't be able to view their profiles, but people that like you will generally show up in the profiles you're shown pretty quickly, so it's easy to find them. The other will need to be slightly tailored to you if you want to use it, but it will automatically skip any profiles that are showing to you that don't meet your minimum requirements, and even alert you if one of them liked you instead of just skipping it, just in case you'd like to give it a closer look before you make a final decision.
Edit: Based on my experience the last time I was on the apps, the best one was Hinge, but I've been off of them for a year now. It's also entirely app based.
Agreed, OkC used to be quite all right but they took away so much of what made it unique.
I would be interested in such scripts. Why not share them here? π
Hinge wonβt even show a landing page with βprivacy enabledβ
Messaging used to be free on OKC too. Paid stuff was only better search placement, maybe seeing your matches immediately, etc. No idea about now, I was also found by my wife there over a decade ago.
It's called outside!
Joking aside, its fundamentally unlikely as if you're not paying you're the product and maintaining a dating network is a lot of work both in admin tasks, technical tasks and legal tasks.
I hate to be a downer, but...
Building,, running and maintaining a website isn't free. Building, running and maintaining a popular website is fucking expensive. Somebody's got to pay those bills.
As the saying goes, if it's free, you're not the customer, you're the product. Corollary, if it's not free, you still might be the product.
Furthermore, these days I would assume that 99.9% of profiles on a "free" dating site are scammers, or bots, or scammer bots, many of which are probably run by the people running the website.
And to double down on the downerism, subscription based dating sites/apps are financially motivated to keep you paying for as long as possible. They are not motivated to help you find a match, cancel your subscription, and live happily ever after.
In an attempt to not be a total downer jerk, my suggestion would be to find local meetup groups that interest you (even if just barely) and start going to those consistently.
That's how I met my spouse almost 14 years ago. We were both on the dating apps but not finding each other. Eventually we met through a meetup group that I ran, and after months of casually chatting occasionally at group meetings, sparks spontaneously started flying. π€·
Honestly, apps (web included) in 2025 are just profit farming. It will be hard to get anything substantial from the experience.
Best suggestion is avoid OLD and just meet people in person. Get a hobby and attend things and eventually you will find like minded people.
Things like rock climbing, board games, cycling, etc. Hobbies that have places you go to and do a thing.
Sorry I donβt have any better suggestions π€·ββοΈ
I believe most apps can be used for free... to an extent. Just like mobile games they can very much be pay to win with many QoL features locked behind a subscription. I know you prefer web, so I'm mostly thinking of apps that also have a web interface. I'm also a woman and a similar age as you; I've given up on dating sites and apps to meet people. I do have friends that have had decent success with Bumble, Hinge (no web interface), and Boo. I've not looked into the full web-based ones in a long time, but even then I remember them being very limited without a subscription; I can't imagine that's changed. Best of luck girl π©· Online dating is a complete drain!
A friend of mine met her now husband and father of her child on the free tier of Plenty Of Fish. That was a decade ago though. I'm not sure if the service has degraded since.
What differentiates a dating site from something like Lemmy? The secret matching algorithm?
Orrrrrr, alternative option......how about we go watch fireworks tomorrow? It'll be a date. We'll grab some food, and then go see the new Jurassic Park movie, and then go see the fireworks!
Uhhhhh, just be in Cleveland tomorrow at 5pm. Just, anywhere in Cleveland. I'll find you by roaming the city and yelling "YOU SINGLE??? HEY!!! YOU SINGLE???" at every woman I see on the street. I'm sure I'll find you EVENTUALLY!
Just don't stop in East Cleveland. That is a seperate city, and we in Cleveland don't recognize them as anything more than an active war zone. You WILL die if you stop there.
Soooooo, what are you thinking? Drinks? Yay or nay? Aw who am I kidding??? OBVIOUSLY we're going to drink!!! This city is BUILT on alcoholics!!!
......wha? Where are you going??? Come back!!! I haven't even shown you our massive free stamp!!! Thats not a penis euphanism! We really do have a massive free stamp here!
what
It's called flirting, and I'm quite good at it! Who could resist the Cleveland perogis? Again, not a sex euphanism. We have a strong polish population, and thus perogis are popular here.
Just don't drop your Cleveland pierogis through a Chicago sunroof.
I'm now imagining an accidental Lemmy meet up in the streets of Cleveland tomorrow, organized by people shouting "HEY!! YOU SINGLE??"