this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] lookitsjustin@lemmy.ca 13 points 9 hours ago

Anything but the metric system.

[–] iusemybrain@sh.itjust.works 7 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

with the power of god and anime on my side I could easily fit three racoon's up my ass.

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago
[–] myyass@lemmy.world 4 points 10 hours ago

Perfect post for my user name.

[–] rumba@lemmy.zip 1 points 8 hours ago

Almost is the operative word

[–] tigermountain@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

Now I won't be so worried.

[–] DrStanleyGoodspeed@lemmy.zip 1 points 9 hours ago

This is why I’m here

[–] ILikeStupidMemes@lemmy.zip 13 points 19 hours ago

Sly cooper in my pooper

[–] Thebeardedsinglemalt@lemmy.world 5 points 20 hours ago

How the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?

[–] Leather@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago (2 children)

No one ever just shows up at the Olympics and gets a gold...

The untrained human ass can stretch that far without damage, but with a little practice?

[–] ms_lane@lemmy.world 15 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

No one ever just shows up at the Olympics and gets a gold...

[–] JcbAzPx@lemmy.world 6 points 16 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Leather@lemmy.world 1 points 8 hours ago

Exactly! How much further could he have gone if he trained his asshole before hand?

[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 3 points 23 hours ago

Raccoons with boxing gloves.

[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 7 points 23 hours ago

I knew there was a reason 26.04 is called Rancid Racoon.

[–] arotrios@lemmy.world 139 points 1 day ago (2 children)
[–] msage@programming.dev 4 points 18 hours ago

It has just the most adorable face

How many badgers is that? Asking for a friend.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 63 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (4 children)

A four inch hole has a surface area of 12.57 square inches and one seven inches across has a surface area of 38.48 square inches and this means three of them can pass through your ass at the same time without risking damage to your sphincter.

[–] ThatWeirdGuy1001@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah but I'm sure prep time and speed is a factor.

If a raccoon just suddenly sprinted out your asshole without warning it's definitely gonna cause some damage

I’m sure three or four raccoons could sprint out of my ass no problem but it’s not exactly a normal one.

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 18 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] HeHoXa@lemmy.zip 14 points 1 day ago (4 children)

They did the monster math!

The monster math

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[–] BigBoyShuanzee@aussie.zone 5 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Ohh that's why. I had three raccoons and a lot of time on my plate..

Please don't ask me any follow up questions.

[–] TropicalDingdong@lemmy.world 39 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] PhoenixDog@lemmy.world 5 points 23 hours ago

Almost two racoons so far

[–] cattywampas@lemmy.world 28 points 1 day ago (6 children)

That's gotta be circumference cause ain't no way that diameter is correct.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago

Can't be. That'd be a diameter of only 2.228 inches. That's half a raccoon. Way too small.

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[–] itsjustachairmary@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago (4 children)

What you're telling me is I can comfortably house a raccoon up my ass. Why wouldn't I? In this housing market? I could be charging rent!

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[–] TargaryenTKE@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Almost as unsettling as having 37 open tabs. Like, I've been there before, and it's never turned out well 😆

[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 5 points 20 hours ago

You mean 438 open tabs?

[–] yermaw@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

My tabs counter usually just makes this face :o

Edit : went to check. Ive got exactly 37 atm. Had to do a little research to make sure OP isnt me on carbon monoxide

[–] 0x0@lemmy.zip 5 points 22 hours ago

Mine's constantly showing ∞.

[–] basxto@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 20 hours ago

My tab counter addon has no issues displaying numbers like 194

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

Almost two raccoons

This is where people get into trouble. They round up. They get sloppy.

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[–] MidsizedSedan@lemmy.world 2 points 22 hours ago

I always thought you can stretch to 12 inches, and the raccoon can squees into 6?

[–] DrBob@lemmy.ca 18 points 1 day ago

The key to doing this is to put the raccoons in serially. You just can't put them in at the same time.

[–] Digestive_Biscuit@feddit.uk 2 points 23 hours ago

This reminds me of that torture method from the olden days. Hungry rat in a bowl on a person's skin/abdomen. It's going to dig into the person.

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