Ask Lemmy

Whenever one of my relatives says something really ignorant to me (which is often), instead of getting into a pointless argument, I just blow it off by imagining them like a yapping little dog behind a fence.

I tell people what's going on for me and in my life.

I've always had a very active sense of humor, and am usually able to find something funny about virtually anything.

I'm not suggesting going around giggling inappropriately at whatever happens to be in front of you like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker, but I know being able to find something that amuses me about even the darkest, most difficult stuff in life has been of immense help to me personally.

"It wouldn't be on the menu if less than 99% of people didn't like it"

It might not literally be true, but it helps me order new foods.

I can be pretty direct (I'm Dutch lol what can I say), so I've learned to follow it up with something like "is that OK?" or "does that sound good to you?"

smile, show up and act like you belong. even if you don't people will assume you do. if you want to join in, all you need to do is find the right person to ask.

i joined my first professional band that way. looked up [specific genre] bands in my area, found a few, looked up which one was the best, called up the director, showed up to practice, auditioned in and was their new [let's pretend i play upright bass. i actually do, but last time i played one a tuning peg flew across the damn room. i also suck at it. so i was not playing upright bass with them] specialist. favorite band i ever played with.

it's one of those "walk in and give a firm handshake and you'll get a job" bullshit advice things. I had good timing, they were looking for someone who specialized in what i do (they had a specialist who moved away a year prior and they were noticing the difference) but they were the only ones i've played with that did all the frills and trills.

If you want a clear answer/decision for something (instead of "whatever", "don't care") give two alternatives, the other simply has to choose one. If you only give one, the other might feel pressured/manipulated.

Very interesting question honestly. The folks at my work probaby wonder it considering I am always giving enthusiasm even at the start of the work week.

I would not so much call it a "cheat code," but what helps is to place yourself in this moment in time. What happened did, what happens now is, what happens later is not yet reality. To be fully present in the moment you are, and to embrace that and be in tune with your inner realm, that is how you can live life fully. At least, that is how I see it.

Many worry about the past which is just pointless, many worry about the future which will come regardless of worry and can only be changed by being present in the now. If we lose ourselves in times that are not, we lose the time that is, which is a travesty. "Right now is still special because you are here for it."

Think in softer language. Things you "should" do, or things that are "duties" might not give you the internal reward you deserve for accomplishing them, and almost certainly cause more mental suffering than you deserve. You can still recognize good (or at least better) decisions and goals, but using softer language makes it easier to give yourself grace for not having the strength to try, the recognition of effort when you try but fail, and the appreciation when you actually succeed.

Honestly, I think that helps me more than anything else my therapist ever suggested. Though maybe not as much as the prescription I received from my provider. My worst days are when I forget to apply that.

I have anxiety and there's a switch I mentally flip. So when I first started working with the public again, I would sweat so bad. It would cause me to be even more nervous, because I must look nasty, right?

About six months into my new job and now having to be a manager that still has associate duties (for some reason), there was this click. I didn't care what people thought about me. I HAD to keep this job. I stopped pushing myself to run from one place to another.

Every now and then, I'll catch myself worrying about people and workplace politics and I'll switch it off. The sweating stops, I move more confidently, but I still maintain courtesy. Not because I'm rushing to do it now, but because it just has to be that way.

I let negative criticism from my abusive environment roll off me. I don't worry about being terminated. Because the work I provide is triple the output of a normal associate and, yes, they could replace me, but it would be a shitshow to do it.

So, the moral of the story is, stop caring about what people think of you. Don't take every comment to heart. Free yourself from the societal hierarchy. It's not easy, but if a little ball of anxiety and depression like me can do it, so can you.

Imagine a physical switch. It can be anything- a lightswitch, a button, a lever. Pull that switch when you feel pressured or overwhelmed. You might have a few fails, but it will eventually succeed.

When something bad or annoying happens to me and I'm in a shitty mood, I say (out loud or whisper to myself) "This is the worst thing that's ever happened to anybody!" and I usually instantly get over myself

Not caring what other people think.

I'm so far gone that I just totally don't understand how this is the major concern for most other people about everything they do. Often to the point of self-harm and self-misery.

But when I talk to people like this it just is a constant reminder how much happier I am than they are, especially when they try to paint me as being miserable for not caring about their opinion that my curtains don't have a high enough thread count or whatever weird thing they are agonizing about.

No screen time first and last half hour of the day, it makes a huge difference.

Also, my phone is far away from me when I go to sleep, though that one is preference but it does help to not think about things I could search online

I think it is stupid to lie about little things. It takes too much effort in every day life - so it's easier to not over share and boast about stupid things.

You will have to keep track of those anc that's just work for no gain. Because lies never feels like a real achievement, and eventually you will be found out.

If you decide to make up a lie - think it through and look for weak spots and illogical parts. Do the work upfront so the stress is off your shoulder.

I have a personal motivational tool I call "dopamine starve and reward". Basically avoiding things that give a false feeling of accomplishment and allowing myself to feel good when something has been accomplished. It's handy for big projects around the house. Number one is to not talk about what I plan to do (starve) until I've actually taken a big step (reward). Another is to not buy everything i need right off the bat (starve) instead buying materials as I need them (reward). This notion came to me after working for a small family business. The owners would have a project in mind, go buy all the materials, drop them off then go have lunch at the bar and talk about all the stuff they were going to do. Then nothing would get done. I saw this in myself and learned to avoid false feelings of accomplishment