My favourite thing about the Bible is that every time it's been translated the people doing the translations include they're own nonsense.
this post was submitted on 19 Sep 2026
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My favorite part is how well it can be used to light a fireplace. Just tear out some pages, put some wood over it and light it. Secundair use is rolling paper when you've run out.
It does not work well as toilet paper. But in a a pinch give it a try. Consider your ass warned, though.
He came back after getting crucified prolly told them about it then
Official explanation: The Holy Spirit narrated to the author. This can be quite removed, some books were written many years after the event, some were passed down.
A few centuries later, the Council of Nicea went through all of these texts and decided, "This is real, we can tell, we're putting this in the Bible. That... that other stuff is fake, yuck! Gross. Heresy."
They also resolved a pressing issue for the new church. "Priests, please stop cutting your balls off, that is a metaphor, not literal instruction. Even though He said that they were literal instructions, that was also a metaphor."
"Oh, just one more thing... you can't get married. No, He didn't say that, but we're inspired by the Magic Bird, so mote it be."
You probably think I'm joking.... but sadly, no.
p.s. the church pays no taxes womp womp
The celibate came in the middle ages and wasnt a law before the begin of the 20th century
βOh, just one more thingβ¦ you canβt get married. No, He didnβt say that, but weβre inspired by the Magic Bird, so mote it be.β
Didn't that one come later because certain members of the clergy were having kids and functionally turning their positions into hereditary fiefdoms?
IiRC it was more so that the Church got actual fiefdoms and wanted control so that potential priestly families wouldn't just distance themselves into secular noble houses, taking lands with them.
Fiefdoms and related duties originated from kings, so the church wanted similar parallel rights over their vassal priests.
Some of the other writings that didn't make the cut for the canonical bible are wild.
Bet a non canonical bible with only cut content is a way better book.
The Bible: Extended Cut
thats called the bible with apocrypha, and youre right its way better
edit: sry misread, dont know if you can get the apocrypha without the main bible. But the cut content is great!
Lower-case apocrypha are extra-canonical religious writings, which cover a wide range of ancient texts in Christianity.
"The Apocrypha" is applied to a specific set of books that are accepted in various configurations by the Catholic, Orthodox and Eastern churches but are rejected from the Biblical canon by many Protestant denominations. Those are the ones you can find between the Old and New Testaments in some Bibles.
It's not at all confusing.
The book of Enoch often features in nutty ancient aliens content. Extra terrestrial beings and hand held devices and so on.
It's important context for the canonical bible. Imagine you find a bunch of scrolls in urns in a cave and it's basically an anthology of short stories from the star wars realm. You cut out the ones that just seem too crazy and the ones that contradict others, and then call the rest your special nutty history.
My favorite bit of Christian lore is the time that predestination became a widespread belief. People cursed god and the church and sinned 30x harder, recognizing that if they did it, they were always meant to. In the absence of choice, people found hedonism not just agreeable but compulsory. Then the church solved that issue by telling people that they could actually get into heaven by paying. People got so pissed off that a sect splintered off, and I think that how we got Protestants.
Someone please tell me how many different events I erroneously mixed together.
people found hedonism not just agreeable but compulsory.
.,.
People got so pissed off that a sect splintered off, and I think that how we got Protestants.
I think something is missing or the Protestants would be Hedonists.
They were pissed off with the hedonism and made catholicism but with fun being illegal and salvation through wageslavery
Official explanation: The Holy Spirit narrated to the author.
You mean the four authors who all wrote the same story but slightly different?
Holy spirit talking to people must have been common back then. Strange how it just stopped.
It didn't stop, we just understand it as psychosis these days.
This is 'explained' by Julian Jayne's idea of the Bicameral Mind.
So, everyone had, until 3000 years ago, schizophrenia induced by gods and were comanded by gods? That's some wild mental gymnastic he did...
Flagging for best-of-lemmy
Wait what? Really? I mean I figured. Just...it was basically like that?
Well, he didn't say you can't rape little boys...
The part where Moses writes down his own death and funeral is also pretty trippy.
I also like how John keeps saying "BTW Jesus totally liked me more than the other disciples. Beloved, even."
Makes sense
God spoke to the writers of the gospels and told them to write down the story.
I mean I have no idea why each version of the same story is different. Maybe different timelines, dimensions?
God works in mysterious ways. π€·ββοΈ
Different idiots.