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I haven't been able to subdue/erase/accept the emotion of jealousy, which sort of makes me unable to enjoy the wonders of it, but I wish I could. ๐ญ
With that said, I am a relationship anarchist. ๐ I don't believe in distinctions and labels. There is only what you and I have, period. Regardless of whether it's sexual, romantic, platonic or whatever.
Completely depends on long term goals. Is it something you're looking to try?
I'm polyamorous myself, I think it's just important to clearly establish rules about it with the people you are dating. Personally, my only rule is that anyone already in the relationship needs to agree when adding a new person. If someone says no, then it's no
Open relationships may work, if you're both comfortable knowing the other sleeps with other people. But living in different states? That sounds more like fuck buddies than a relationship to me.
If you're living in different states and are in an open relationship then you're not in a relationship that needs a qualifier. I mean, to each their own, but trying to navigate social norms while going against social norms is just ironic.
I would not rule it out, but if I were to guess it's not something for me.
if both living in different states
Key context right there.
Either you stay deliberately ignorant about what happens when you're apart, or you're going to feel the same as you would about it normally.
I might consider either an open relationship or a long distance relationship, but the problem in both cases would be I'd worry more about it falling apart and being replaced, both of those at once seems like a lot.
I don't see being able to handle it. I find the sex hormones are kinda linked to the jelously hormones. I really can't handle someone I am with being with someone else. Of course my hormones are assholes so it would likely be no problem with a bunch of people where exclusively with me. thats why the harem fantasy is so big.
My thought is "Why?".
I fell like you need to people who are radically honest with others and I don't understand why the long distance relationship is being maintained.
Too risky. More times it goes wrong than right, people are quietly seeking ways to cheat or take advantage of the open relationship.
if both living in different states
Is it even a "relationship" then?
On what terms? Do they have plans for life? Together?? Why is one of them asking for "open" (whatever that means in this case)?
IMHO It might well be that the one has already given up the other, but the other doesn't admit reality...
That's a highly individual question, I personally couldn't do it. I trend towards the anxious side, and I tend to be a bit jealous. Even if I worked on myself for the rest of my life, I don't think I would ever be really happy with it.
It can never be as deep as a monogamous one (ceiling, not floor) and idk anyone IRL who would be okay with it in earnest (and not just saying they are not to lose the person thinking about opening it, or access to their resources), so idk. I would say I'm cautious about them, particularly how healthy they can be.
Open relationships are objectively bad for healthy mature people who prize a connection and long-term loving relationship.
However, they are a lot easier for people who prefer to not go deep, who don't want to work on themselves, and who want to imagine they're doing something extra "enlightened" or detached. It's basically something you do out of ego and self-convenience, which is the antithesis of love.
If you're serious about this life, find one person and go deep with them. Experience the desperation of not always getting what you want, not always being able to have your needs met, not just being able to go to a different person when it gets hard or when you feel deprived.
Like Jung says nobody grows until they reach a problem they can't solve. Real love relationships are like that; you are eventually tasked with not just loving your own preferences mirrored in another person, which is pure selfishness, but learning to love beyond your own preferences, loving beyond getting what you want; loving just to love. This is the only way a person can learn unconditional love, even having children cannot teach you that because since they are "yours" the condition is always there that they an extension of your own genes. And loving yourself is easy.
๐
Well, one advantage is you can't get cheated on.
Sure can't cheat in the traditional sense.
If someones open relation has set boundries (ie don't fool around with co-workers) and those boundries are crossed it's the same dynamics as cheating (soreone did somethingsthey weren't supposed to.
