The Rick and Morty portal gun.
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Gravity Gun from Half-life 2 Ravenholm was a brilliant tutorial for that thing!
One that immediately eliminates all billionaires and blocks their existence forever.
I feel like it probably breaks one of your rules, but an ironman or gundam suit would be great. For the ironman angle I guess you could just say the repulsors since that gives you flight while still being offensive.
Nerve stapler / punishment sphere
Does the GCU Grey Area from Iain M. Banks' The Culture series count as a weapon?
I know I can't use it, of course, I wouldn't want to. I just want it to have fun. Right now. On Earth.
I'm sure it'd find plenty of ways to enjoy itself...
Is that Meat Fucker?
Yes Grey Area is called meat fucker by the other ships
I’m going to cheat a bit and say the wingsuit/grappling hook combo in Just Cause 3 that allows him to glide indefinitely and at high speed.
A Gun That Can Kill The Past
24th century Type II phaser, specifically the ones introduced around 2373. Very multi-purpose, moreso than the zat from Stargate. ;)
But I i just want to go ridiculous firepower and over the top cool factor, any number of weapons from Ratchet'n'Clank would do.
BFG 9000 seems cool
The Halo seems... a bit much...
The Warp is... risky, but not in my lifetime.
EDIT: Is a borg a weapon?
it's nice to see that the answers basically all revolve about having someone useful in your hand instead of being good at killing things
Deathwand from Hyperion. Very useful...