If you’re on the internet it’s already too late for you.

See if you can go back. It's awful out here.

Buy a home now, it won't get any cheaper.

Start grinding skills NOW!

By age 3, if you want long term success, have at least the following skills:

• Neck Holding 100

• Speech 80

• Nap-ability 100

• Allergy resistance 75

• Object permanence 95

Also the following attributes, though they can be RNG:

• Curious

• Vaccinated

• Rich (Heavy RNG)

• Loved

• Conventionally Attractive

Well? Get to it.

You're already too far behind in schooling for any decent careers. Best luck in your next life.

Thank the heavens you weren’t “born yesterday…”

Edit: keep that smile. It will serve you well to be so happy, and to have something to smile about like that.

You are a good baby.

Also don’t listen to Celine Dion, she don’t know babies like you know babies… she did them wrong.

However, do listen to good babies. Don’t watch that show “Girls” on HBO unless it’s to observe someone being the opposite of a good person in general. Just don’t do what they do.

Be concerned about the actions of adults. However, don’t worry about the whims of adults, or their specific adult worries; they don’t know babies shit like you know babies shit.

Do, however, worry about everyone generally. Frankly they should worry about you too. That’s worth it and that’s okay.

Just don’t stop smiling.

Go back.

You don't have to worry about a damn thing for a few years. Enjoy yourself.

You seem to have not rolled into the nobility class. So you'll be debuffed with the poor status.

Don't take these titty-sucking, pants-shitting years for granted

Hope you chose the "rich parents" background or you're gonna struggle the entire game.

bro ain't born today.

Go with point array for your stats. It may not have the chance of getting really good rolls, but it also avoids the chance of ending up with your highest stat being 11, changing your name to cliff, and starting over from scratch.

Quick, get back in there while you can! It's not too late!

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.

- Philip Larkin

• bag it before you tag it
• don’t ~~stick your dick in~~ bump uglies with crazy
• if they’re a 10 and you’re a 2, something’s up
• ya don’t have to train like you’re going to the olympics, but stay reasonably active and eat decently and that will lower your odds of type 2 diabetes
• the perfect is the enemy of the good enough, and learn when you need each
• don’t ever try cocaine, heroin, or meth. the world ain’t gonna end if you partake of the grass in a responsible manner, but don’t ever try anything harder.
• learn from your mistakes, and learn from other peoples mistakes too
• don’t go to parties with metal detectors. sure, it feels safe inside. but what about all them brothas waitin outside with guns? they know you ain’t got one!

don't

Googoo all the Gagas

Hello babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. On the outside, babies, you've got a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies - "God damn it, you've got to be kind."

Never punch down.

Judge a man by how he treats those beneath him, not his equal or those above him.

Buy a plunger before you need one.