this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
287 points (89.3% liked)

Not The Onion

17696 readers
1185 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
(page 2) 50 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] thatradomguy@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

WTS Dubs has entered the chat.

[–] quick_snail@feddit.nl 1 points 6 days ago (2 children)

Article doesn't load. It's just a blank page

load more comments (2 replies)
[–] cjoll4@lemmy.world 181 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (16 children)

Matt said: “It was a very embarrassing accident. One of the issues with being so large, especially in hot water showers, is that it’s not exactly easy to see my feet.

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too. As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

Right, because a fifteen-inch penis is totally going to obstruct your view of both feet and everything else below your waistline, and your dick is totally the reason you clumsily slipped. And you totally aren't looking for every possible excuse to turn any event of your life into another opportunity to brag about your massive, record-breaking schlong.

🙄

[–] ParadoxSeahorse@lemmy.world 0 points 5 days ago

“Especially when I move too fast, it can definitely mess with my balance, too.As I was rushing to get ready for work, I didn’t see the excess shower gel in the tub because my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first and crack my shoulder on the hard floor.I got two fractures as a result.”

Sounds like he slipped on his penis

[–] Heikki2@lemmy.world 37 points 1 week ago (8 children)
load more comments (8 replies)
load more comments (14 replies)
[–] celeste@kbin.earth 87 points 1 week ago (7 children)

this guy gets a burn cooking and he's like "must've been because of my enormous penis" trips on the stairs "dick got caught in the spindles it's so big" gets sleep apnea "my giant schlong wraps itself around my throat when I'm sleeping"

[–] otter@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 6 days ago

It's just curious.

load more comments (6 replies)
[–] JamesNZ@lemmy.world 86 points 1 week ago (5 children)

Summary of the article. " By the way I have a massive cock, it is just huge, biggest in the world. Did I say about my massive unit? It is really big...oh I slipped in the shower and broke my arm,...but let's get back to the massive third leg I have going on. ,,"

load more comments (5 replies)
[–] AmidFuror@fedia.io 54 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Funny story, but the size of my penis is why my balls always get wet when I pee.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Wispy2891@lemmy.world 51 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (3 children)

Unrelated but this newspaper says:

Join our WhatsApp! Our community members are treated to special offers, promotions and adverts from us and our partners

There's people that are actually saying "hell yes! Send me ads on WhatsApp, here's my phone number!" ???

load more comments (3 replies)
[–] AwesomeLowlander@sh.itjust.works 46 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I was careless, didn't look where I stepped, it was totally because of my dick. Let me tell you more about it...

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] JackLSauce@lemmy.world 45 points 1 week ago (18 children)

...independently measured at [37cm], and a cast of it has been included in a museum in Iceland.

I have questions for Iceland; mostly about how to pronounce ð but we'll get to that later

[–] phutatorius@lemmy.zip 2 points 6 days ago

It's pronounced like the "th" in "weather."

[–] Zoomboingding@lemmy.world 1 points 6 days ago

Like a T, but slide your tongue forward a little so it's against your teeth

load more comments (15 replies)
load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›