this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2025
287 points (89.3% liked)

Not The Onion

17712 readers
2132 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
(page 3) 49 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] RBWells@lemmy.world 30 points 1 week ago (7 children)

Ok that is the most ridiculous explanation I have ever heard. Do you have to see your feet to know where they are? And how do large busted or pregnant women manage then?

Oof it must suck to be hung that big though. No balls deep in anyone, ever, and careful sex only.

[–] T156@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Do people even focus on their body parts that much on the day-to-day? It seems like something that you wouldn't think about usually.

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

When you have a 37cm pénis that's probably all you can think about.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments (6 replies)
[–] baines@lemmy.cafe 23 points 1 week ago (12 children)

are all the impressed comments in here from men lol

load more comments (12 replies)
[–] MrSulu@lemmy.ml 22 points 1 week ago

The world is full of men that can't see their own feet in the shower!

[–] pennomi@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (1 children)

14.5 inches, what an absolute unit

[–] bacon_pdp@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No wonder he is single and lonely for attention.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

In the Godfather novel, Sonny Corleone couldn't have a decent sex life because of his gargantuan penis until he landed a woman with a deep vagina. I am not making this up.

[–] misterdoctor@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago

Dong Corleone

[–] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 19 points 1 week ago
[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 14 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

"Man trips over giant cock and breaks arm" 🤣

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Imgonnatrythis@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wow poor guy is probably going to get a lot of sympathy cards. Must be awful.

[–] P00ptart@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I can all but guarantee most women run away at the sight of it.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] cannon_annon88@lemmy.today 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Jesus. They don't make pants big enough for this guy.

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 11 points 1 week ago (1 children)
load more comments (1 replies)
[–] Imhotep@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

my penis was the only thing in my eye line.

“I slipped on it, causing me to fall out of the tub completely head first

This makes it sound a bit like he slipped on his peen

Which I found humorous. Because penis.

[–] shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Longer than the average forearm, that's crazy. Wonder how girthy it is.

[–] yaroto98@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Look at the photo of him standing. It's visible through his pants, it doesn't look thin.

[–] shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

True, and it must be flaccid unless he's really into getting his photo taken.

[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 week ago

I bet the casting from the museum is pictured somewhere online to find.

[–] arin@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Can't see feet girthy

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] barnaclebutt@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Totally relatable. Swift recovery Matt. I'm also glad you found your best look at my enormous penis trousers for the news photoshoot.

[–] EvilEdgelord@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My man making a baby's arm look small 😂

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] prole@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Lol his face in that pic says it all

[–] winkly@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

“signature look of superiority”

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

My gf and her best friend and I were at a cafe in high school. Best friend's bf was packing serious heat, and everyone knew it, kind of a school joke.

Gf: "OK. Seriously. How big is it?"

Her friend slaps a full can of AquaNet Extra Super Hold (in the pink can) on the table. (It was the 80s! Not like we had a banana for scale.)

"I... I'm not sure, not sure... I believe that... um..."

Gf: "How?!"

Best friend: "No idea, but it fits."

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] nathan@piefed.alphapuggle.dev 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)
[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 2 points 1 week ago

his penis would be longer than even someone with large feet.

[–] PunnyName@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Small enough he couldn't see them, and he tripped, breaking his arm.

Def gotta be small.

load more comments (1 replies)
[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Speaking of gargantuan penises.

I swear to god in heaven that video is worth a minute of your time.

load more comments (1 replies)
load more comments
view more: ‹ prev next ›