this post was submitted on 04 Nov 2025

721 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

19643 readers

768 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

Links to news stories from...
...credible sources, with...
...their original headlines, that...
...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

kescusay@lemmy.world

721

‘It smelled of onions and mustard,’ Border Patrol officer hit by sandwich in DC testifies (www.cnn.com)

submitted 2 months ago by CubitOom@infosec.pub to c/nottheonion@lemmy.world

114 comments fedilink hide all child comments

“He did it. He threw the sandwich.”

That’s how the defense counsel for Sean Dunn, the man who threw a sub-style sandwich at a Border Patrol officer in Washington, DC, this summer began the federal trial against him Tuesday morning.

(page 2) 50 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] ilinamorato@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

A lot of us dream of using a submarine to attack our enemies. This isn't exactly what I meant.

[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The torpedo of truth

[–] Tronn4@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Freedom Footlong

[–] SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

It was a run-by sandwiching by a fleet-footed foot-long fling-er.

To be fair, the sandwich was loaded.

Lettuce, tomato, pickle, cheese, cucumber, onion, spinach, mushrooms, olives, bell peppers…

[–] YiddishMcSquidish@lemmy.today 4 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Fuck I want that sandwich inside me!

[–] SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml 7 points 2 months ago

There is currently no limit on the amount of times the submarine sandwich can be deployed...as a breadly weapon.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago

McPTSD

PTSBLT

[–] Nalivai@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago

There was a similar case in Russia in 2019 when a guy threw an empty paper cup in a direction of a police line at a protest, and got arrested and was tried for it. Ultimately he was set free, 2019 was very nice time for Russia, comparatively. Will see how American justice system compares.

[–] Wilco@lemmy.zip 6 points 2 months ago

This failed as an assault at the grand jury level, so they had to bring out a weak ass lesser charge.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Well, it was assault. Hilarious assault is still assault. As the victim, I'd be too humiliated to press charges.

[–] bookmeat@lemmynsfw.com 2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

If there's no harm there's no assault.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

We're both wrong. "Battery" is the what the charge should be. Any unwanted and "violent" touching is battery (jurisdictions vary wildly of course). "Assault" is me telling you I'm going to beat your ass. Can't believe I mixed those up. 🙄

In any case, the notion of harm is a factor, but no harm has to occur to be charged. SOURCE: Spent the weekend in jail for admitting to pushing my wife. Battery. Got off, but still, had to spend 2-days with a bunch of animals.

Never speak to the cops!

load more comments (1 replies)

[–] grimpy@lemmy.myserv.one 6 points 2 months ago

it smelt like freedom

[–] YurkshireLad@lemmy.ca 5 points 2 months ago

Won’t you think of the laundry bill damnit!!

[–] RedFrank24@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Aww diddums

[–] 1985MustangCobra@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 months ago

im still upset he wasted a nice good panino on this scum.

load more comments