Please step into the Science to be cleansed, human
this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2025
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§cience
Wcgw?
Looks like those assisted suicide pods. I can imagine a mixup during a sitcom leading to shenanigans.
Heyyyy! Who switched the labels on the pods?
laugh track
Now who's going to clean up Gene?
laugh track
And explain it to his family?
laugh track intensifies
Rob, can you show up to Gene's wedding pretending to be him while we figure this out?
Weekend at Gene’s
I Dream Of Geney
Just put Gene in the washing pod right next door.
Gene Gene Death Machine
All I wanted was a slow painful death.
I mean judo is the art of folding clothes while people are still wearing them, why not wash them first.
Judo is more focussed on throwing and grappling than it is on joint locks and holds, or "folding".
The more you know.
I see that you know your judo well.
Saw the YT video for this a while back (~15 mins) and thought it mostly a nostalgic throwback to the stuff we saw or hoped for in the 80s and 90s. If "how can we charge rent for this?" hadn't come along and destroyed innovation, anyway.
It seems more like a proof of concept, as it just fills soapy water up past the seal line, shows progress and wildlife scenes on screen (which will definitely be used to advertise at you eventually), sprays your face and other bits above the water line, drains, and then blow dries you. You'd still need to scrub, and wash your back, butt, etc.
I was kind of hoping for one of those sonic/pulsing water/jet-wash/scrubbing shower things you see in SF. This isn't it.
But it is great that some companies are still innovating. It's been a while.
The idea of just relaxing in a pod while listening to music and getting a full body clean without any effort does sound pretty great to me. It even dries you off which is even more awesome.
"According to company spokeswoman Sachiko Maekura, the new machine not only cleans the body but also "washes the soul," using sensors to monitor the user's heartbeat and vital signs throughout the process"
Corpo speak for " People kept drowning so we added sensors"
I wanna try it
You ever seen those videos where the car washing machine accidentally rips off a door or windshield wiper. Imagine that’s your dick being ripped off. I’ll pass on machine washing my bits. I’m not lazy or brave enough for electric washing.
It can work like jakuzi. Water pressure and rotation. Perhaps with suction. Perhaps with slow brushing.
All kinds of machine-assisted things do much more than you can with your own effort, without getting extreme. Constant slow brushing with no danger of ripping anything out, with constant pressure and suction interchanged, for like 20 minutes without stopping (you wouldn't clean yourself well enough for 20 minutes without stopping) and with all the expected gels and such - and you're clean enough without much effort. Would also be economy of water, I'd expect.
Not economy of energy, of course. But energy seems to undergo inflation in our world, while water - the opposite. So.
EDIT: Also when I'm thinking about it, such a machine can even be made work with purely muscular effort. Like a mechanical lawn mower. Still more convenient than having to reach for every place on your back after sitting 10 hours straight behind your desk and with having a migraine.
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I’m honestly shocked Japan didn’t make something like this way back in the 1980s.
Should've looked up on the interwebs before doubting the glorious nation. 💢
In 1970, a peculiar invention made waves at the Japan World Exposition, a world’s fair devoted to “Progress and Harmony for Mankind.” The Ultrasonic Bath, created by Sanyo Electric Co.—the modern Panasonic Holdings Corp—was described as a “human washing machine,” and symbolized the future of hygiene. While it never took off commercially, the invention was stuck in the mind of a fourth-grader named Yasuaki Aoyama. Fast forward more than half a century, and the company he now leads has given this concept another try.
https://mymodernmet.com/human-washing-machine-science-co/
https://www.core77.com/posts/134471/A-Washing-Machine-for-Human-Beings-from-1970
modern revival of a similar invention featured at the 1970 Osaka Expo
This actually seems like the kind of nonsense that gets "invented" once a decade or so. There's just no way this is humanity's very first crack at "washing machine but it does people" lol
I've always wanted a car wash style blow-dry
I have been looking for a bathhouse with an old lady with big fat arms that can rub me down and clean me with a brush and sponge for ages. I am willing to pay top dollar to get cleaned. Just put me in a bucket of water and clean me, woman.
Good luck, these days most Bathhouses only have old men with big fat arms.
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"The user lies down..."
How does it wash your back?
They actually sit down, so they'd probably just lean forward.
OK. How does it wash your ass?
Just seems like a lot of downside for a $350,000 device that can barely do the job of a shower.
Built in bidet?
Japan? Like, the country of Japan made this?
Honestly wild. Like did they all turn a screw once? Big git repo?
This sounds fun tbh.
If it works like the washing machine in Gattaca, there is a neat risk that it doesn't end well.
I recommand to watch this -now old- movie by the way
Gattaca is an amazing movie that surprisingly still holds up.
Kinda muddy on the idea behind the showers. I read somewhere that they weren’t really about killing the occupant, but it was suggested that it might be a reference to the furnaces used in the Nazi death camps in WW2 and the eugenics associated with the Nazis.
Produce more units and bring down the price.
Edit: 1218 Monero is a lot
If they're billing in Monero, then I have to wonder if this machine does funner things than just cleaning you.
So a car wash?
Interesting idea. Seriously over-engineered though.
If you want a 'human washer' you don't need a $350k fancy chair with heart rate monitors. Just take a page out of the automatic car wash.
Human stands in a stall. Shower allows human washing of hair and face. Then just hold arms out making a diamond in front of you (think TSA body scanner position, but with arms forward instead of upward) and a 360° robotic sprayer starts at the neck and goes down spraying soapy water, then back up again with a slight up angle to get the groin and armpits. Shower comes back on to de-shampoo hair, then the same 360 robot does two passes with clean water to rinse everything off.
If you get fancy with machine vision and body position sensors, the 360 wand could flip 90° to do the hair and would be angled backward a bit so it doesn't get water or soap in your face.
You could build this for a lot less than $350k. And instead of $1500 worth of body sensors you have a $50 waterproof emergency stop button.
Human stands in a stall
You already missed the target demographic in the first sentence of your "solution".
This is what happens when you only read the headline.
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Wonder if this is what showering in space would look like.
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