I would if they turned out conservative.
this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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No. That's a terrible name!
My dad said he was disappointed. I sat him down, looked him in his eyes and said, "Hi, Disappointed. I'm Son!"
No, unless they became a pedophile, serial killer, rapist or something extreme like that
Being a pedophile isn't a choice, it's a psychological dysfunction. Acting on that impulse is a crime and something to be punished - or treated in a medical facility.
Thank you for saying that. I have worked with MAPs (minor attracted people), and majority of them do not want to offend, and understand they can never act on their desires. They were actively seeking treatment and felt suicidal because of their attraction.
Also I learned that about half (?) of sexual acts on minors aren't even done by people with pedophilia but because the victims seemed to be vulnerable - so less likely to fight back or tell someone.
I am not sure about the actual numbers, but what you describe absolutely happens, more often than people realize. These fucks go after vulnerable people.
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if they were hateful. punching down types. maga. racists. yeah, yeah, I would.
No, but I would say something like "I am very dissapointed in you for doing X". A kid can't change who they "are", but they can change what they "do".
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Yesterday I said to my son "I'm disappointed in you for not catching that fish" (he came so close to catching his target prize fish but it got away).
I felt pretty bad and didn't mean it one bit, I just said it the wrong way around because i was exhausted. Then I spent the next five minutes explaining that I'm absolutely not disappointed in him and that he is an awesome fisherman and that what i really meant to say was that I was disappointed FOR him that he didn't catch the fish that he had been trying so hard to catch for months.
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Bruh I'm an Asian son and I've been on the receiving end of these words 💀
Edit: To answer the question. No wtf I'm never gonna say these type of things to my children (if I ever have children)
It's extremely hard to imagine but yeah there are lines.
If they were disappointing, maybe. Like I'm not gonna lie and say I'd love my kid even if they turned out to be a racist, sexist, nazi piece of shit. But I mean, I'd also be disappointed in myself for raising such a bastard.
But would they be a disappointment or would you be disappointed in them? Meaning: should they cease to exist, or should their actions cease to exist? Maybe I'm looking at it wrong, but, to me, that's the difference between "being a disappointment" and "bring disappointing".
What the actual fuck? NO. Kids who are little are little kids, they are all potential, you can be somewhat disappointed in their behavior occasionally but not them. Grown kids are grownups with their own lives, they can disappoint themselves I guess but not me, and if they somehow managed it I still would not say that, they don't exist to satisfy me, that's not the point of having kids. Had kids to have a family and to grow some independent adults so they could have lives of their own.
No. "Being a disappointing," yes. "A disappointment," no.
The difference is one is a fixable behaviour, and the other is an identity.
Absolutely not. No matter what they have done, my love and support is unconditional. They may do things I don't approve of, but I try to understand what motivates them and forgive them.
Even if they murder your dog in cold blood and eat it?
They wouldn't do that.
It's difficult to imagine a situation where this would be an appropriate thing to say. We don't get to choose how we feel but articulating those feelings can be incredibly damaging. I would think carefully about why you think that. Children need love and compassion no matter what, else they may find themselves in the same situation that you are now in.
Maybe they eat your dog?
I am disappointed you ate my dog. There I said it, are you happy now?
If they were a triple Trumper, yes.
But in all seriousness, you're a disappointment sounds like a line from a movie, real life doesn't really do dialog like that.
real life doesn’t really do dialog like that.
It with great sadness that I report to you, that real life does, in fact, dialog in this exact fashion at times.
I wouldn't call any child, as a human, a disappointment, but I believe there are some rare occasions where their actions should be framed as disappointing.
Label the action disappointing, explain the reasoning that led to that conclusion, and explain how it could affect the future for both the parents and the child. Communication is key, and also try to leave some room for the child to grow. The less often you call something disappointing, the more powerful it can be, and can be used as a way to seriously correct behavior.
Yeah, if he came home sporting a maga hat or a Charlie Kirk t-shirt or something.
I’m raising my kid to be smart and to care about others. So really I’d be disappointed in myself for not being a better teacher.
No.
I might, if what they did were severe enough, express that what they did is disappointing. But that's different from branding them with the iron of disappointment-as-identity. Everyone does stuff sometimes that is worse than they aspire to be. The trick is coming back from it, learning and growing and changing.
I remember how it felt the day I asked my mom, after she had screamed at me and hit me a bunch for stuff she made up about me, "what did I ever do to you to make you hate me this much?", and she screamed back "YOU WERE BORN!" And I believed she meant it, because none of this was out of character.
I was 12.
No kid should ever feel the hopelessness and abandonment I felt in that moment.
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This is some really heavy parenting. I hope I'd never have to, but if it was warranted it would be very important that it was actionable. I.e., I'm disappointed in you because you're doing [x] and you need to do [y]. It's my job as a parent in this situation to communicate why and how to do better.
His behavior yes. He lack of behavior yes. Never him.
No, like others said I might point out his behavior is disappointing, but never him.
Never. My son is a person I could never have imagined. I don’t see what relevance my expectations of him are to anyone or anything. I’m not sure I ever had any.
Why should I? Our children are not products we purchased or objects we crafted. They are new beings coming into the universe under our care but for a while.
You discharge that responsibility on their behalf. That’s it. Of course that means setting standards for them to meet, but even this discipline you do for their own sake. You don’t get to expect them to be anything.
That’s negotiating with fate - about as pointless as negotiating with death.
I wouldn't say that to anybody.
If he turned out to be a cold psychopatic serial killer, I would.
He don't say it but I can see it in his eyes.
No
I once explored the hypothetical of what would make me abandon the love for one of my kids. I went with something awful: imagine we found out they were a gruesome serial killer in secret. I decided after pondering it that I would continue to love and support them even through that. No one else would, rightfully so. But I think it is my duty even when the rest of humanity has abandoned them.
Writing this I thought of a variation. Instead of a serial killer, what if they murdered my spouse or one of their siblings. I'll have to ponder that. I'd like to think I'd have the same unconditional love but I'm really not sure. In that case I might have to admit that I'm disappointed in them.
Variation on the theme: would you ever tell your child “You weren’t worth it.”
OP assuming you are asking for a reason, my view after some time is that when a parent make a statement like that it reflects more about the parent than the child.
No, because I don’t want to find out what a true disappointment is
I'd like to believe I wouldn't, but I'm a flawed man, and going crazy with my words is one of my big ones. Hopefully, God willing, I won't. I have become a much more considerate and softer person thanks to my wife, maybe that'll be enough.
I can't imagine ever saying that.
i would say that's a terrible parent. glad mine's not.
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