this post was submitted on 16 Mar 2026
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No Stupid Questions

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Would you ever straight up say to your son, ‘You are a disappointment’?

(page 2) 41 comments
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[–] hexagonwin@lemmy.today 1 points 2 days ago

i would say that's a terrible parent. glad mine's not.

[–] neidu3@sh.itjust.works 4 points 3 days ago
[–] Cevilia@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 2 days ago

I'd be disappointed to find I had one. I'd be a terrible mother and my wife would be even worse!

[–] kubok@fedia.io 2 points 3 days ago

It would have to be very, very bad and it would weigh heavily on my soul if I ever were to speak those words to my children.

[–] mystrawberrymind@piefed.ca 3 points 3 days ago

Yeah if they landed in jail and or did some heinous crime. But knowing me, I’d word it as “you disappointment me” instead. Like this is a moment in time and they can still change

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Yes, assuming they have disappointed me.

It's normal to express your emotions.

[–] Ikon@sh.itjust.works 1 points 3 days ago

I agree thats its normal to express your emotions, but there is a difference between telling someone that they have disappointed you and telling someone that they are a disappointment.

Calling someone a disappointment implies that it is something intrinsic about the person, while saying that someone has disappointed you shows that it is something that they have done and isn't an overarching accusation.

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago (1 children)

It's normal to express emotions and it's good to learn to first process them properly and then express them in a healthy way that is not harmful for others.

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world -1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

Yeah, no.

This 'do no harm' shit is nothing more than toxic positivity.

Pain is part of life. Learn to deal with it and stop trying to avoid it pathologically. You should feel bad for disappointing people. Nobody is harming you by telling you that you fucked up, the only thing that gets hurt is your ego and your insistence nothing you do is wrong because you do it.

[–] angrystego@lemmy.world 0 points 3 days ago (1 children)

There can be both toxic positivity and toxic negativity. It's good to be aware you can do damage with words. It greatly depends on the situation and words and nonverbal language used. I also feel like saying you're disappointed by the son's concrete behaviour is ok, while saying he's a disappointment (in his whole) is a heavy caliber - maybe the meaning varies regionally or something?

[–] TubularTittyFrog@lemmy.world 0 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

someone's entire life can legitimately be a disappointment to themselves, and to others.

and they should be forced to acknowledge that. especially if they want to improve it.

plenty of people are piece of shit their entire lives. look at Rob Reiner's son who ended up murdering his parents who did nothing but right by him his entire life.

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[–] rossman@lemmy.zip 1 points 3 days ago

I was called lesser so kinda the same thing. I never use that word cause it's reserved for tywin Lannister type of dudes lol

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 1 points 3 days ago

My kid is a dream. I was an older Dad, and I worried about dealing with a teenager during my 50s, but he has always been level headed. We never had to deal with drug, alcohol, smoking, no pregnancy scares, nothing. He got great grades, really talented, a school leader without even trying. He could be a little lazy, I used to have to remind him that he couldn't be a slacker because his peers were watching him.

[–] ptolemai@lemmy.world 2 points 3 days ago

Telling anyone they're a disappointment isn't helpful. Instead ,ask if they can do X or Y and express why you think its helpful.

I wouldn't no. There's only afew things he could ever do to justify those words, and even then, what purpose would it serve?

[–] fizzle@quokk.au 2 points 3 days ago

No.

Some people really seem to get something out of hurting other people. My best guess is that its a learned coping mechanism. "I feel bad so im going to make you feel bad and your response might fix whatever i feel bad about".

The only appropriate response is that whoever said that is a disappointing human.

[–] z3rOR0ne@lemmy.ml 2 points 3 days ago

Only if my son is Mr. Frog.

[–] SCmSTR@lemmy.blahaj.zone 1 points 3 days ago

No. Because that's shitty and dumb.

As a parent, it is your responsibility. So if your kid is disappointing you, it is you who have fucked up.

Do something about it.

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago)

Yes even though it would be partially my fault if they're racist, sexist , transphobic, join the military or police and so on, that's a failure to raise them on my part and choosing to be a worthless being on their part.

[–] Azzu@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 days ago

I can't be disappointed when I didn't have any expectations

[–] zout@fedia.io 1 points 3 days ago
[–] justlemmyin@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

Reminds me of the epic song..

All I all I all I all I, Want is, Just a little bread. Mama calls me disappointment, Papa calls me fat.

[–] Iconoclast@feddit.uk 1 points 3 days ago

No. That would imply belief in the kind of free will I don't think exists.

[–] TractorDuffy@lemmy.world -1 points 2 days ago

I wouldn't have children because I'm not a selfish psychopath.

[–] edgemaster72@lemmy.world 0 points 3 days ago

I am the disappointing son but I'll never have children so I don't have to worry about that

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