The lighter side of ADHD
Never heard of Maladaptive Daydreaming until now. Glad it's not just me; I've had a hell of a time explaining this sensation over the years.
People who do this tend to “lose themselves” in extremely vivid and detailed daydreams. Research also shows this kind of daydreaming might be compulsive. That means it’s difficult — if not impossible — to control that you’re doing it.
Let's not forget parents sending you on sidequests, people interrupting you, and using you all day.
I should get a desk wheel so I can spin it rather than wasting 2 hours trying to decide which of these ways I’ll choose to waste time rather than doing something useful or fulfilling.
I've always thought that I do better with a planned day. Recently, I thought about it, and I changed my perspective.
It's not that I can do better with a plan, but merely the fact that without a plan, I will do worse.
Once I stopped viewing the plan as optional, I was able to be more consistent. We'll see how long it lasts, though.
The tism will not let me forget that the plan is entirely self imposed and optional.
It absolutely sucks not being able to self motivate.
What works for me: It is in no part optional. Is it a choice I can make? It sure is. But if I don't stick to the plan, things will be worse.
To me, it's as optional as the raft to the shipwrecked. Swimming is a choice I can make, but it will be worse every time.
Objectively, I've seen no improvement to my life by not following a plan, but I am able to make progress towards goals with a plan.
It doesn't help my mental health much, either. But I'd rather have big sads and work towards something, than just having the sads in a worse environment. I was pretty bummed when the emotions drained and I was like, "But I did all this stuff all week."
I'm as motivated to make progress as a caffinated toddler is to nap, but the only way I can actually make any progress is by surrenduring to the fact that gains will be measured over time, and to trust the process. It's just weird that I'm the one making up the process as I go along. I know that person, and they make poor decisions. But maybe it will get easier with time? I know it doesn't if I do nothing, so perhaps I can swing the pendulum the other way by actually doing something instead. I dunno. I'll find out either way, I suppose.
Listen, grown adults with grown children were about to convince themselves that, not only is it socially acceptable to leave the house with a diaper on over their pants to support a political candidate, but it's worth photographing amd uploading to social media. Surely I can convince myself that to reach a goal such as: having a cleaner house, or having a healthier body, or playing an instrument, I just need to do a little bit every day towards that, marked out on a daily schedule I built for me.
I wish this shit were optional, I'd choose not to do it at all. But also, I've already done that and it made no improvement on my quality of life.