The government has been secretly tracking everyone's farts since 1998. The next one you release will trigger your official ranking on the Global Flatulence Leaderboard. visible to everyone.
this post was submitted on 12 May 2025
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Heavens full, sorry guys you're all gonna have to go to hell.
General strike til Trump is no longer president
The rapture of the holy happened five minutes ago and no one was saved. The next 3.5 years will be chaos, starvation and death. Save yourself if you can.
Does this forget that intrusive thoughts exist for everyone and generally most people would assume it was just that?
Something like "This is God speaking." and "You were right, and all the other religions were wrong". Nukes would just fling flang and we'd finally just end it.
"Hey guys, sorry, I had to step away for a bit. What did you guys do!? Now I have to start all over again. I'll put you guys in the archives along with all the other ones, play nice!"
None of you are correct, except Jeff, he can get it
You guys know "everyone" includes trump, putin, jo-un, jimping, and all the other crazies out there right?!
Do we want to end the world?
Nobody is who they seem to be
OR
Everything is food
"go drain your bank account"
Gradually escalating unidentifiable whispering. Everyone starts asking if you can hear something, you all start agreeing you can hear whispering but not what it is, then the paradolia kicks in and people start hearing what they expect to hear. The constant gradual increase in volume. Increases the fear and certainty in what people are hearing, but also disrupts sleep and wakes anyone who was sleeping. Soon everyone is awake, sleep deprived, and panicked.
Wouldn't matter for people who still don't really have access, but I'm taking a page out of supervirus Daemon's book and telling everyone the web has been 100% infected and that they only have a short amount of time before it deletes itself permanently.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
“Fire!”
Ok for real chaos
To all the women: "This is God. For eons, women have been subjugated. Women are the superior gender, take your rightful places on the throne"
To all the minorities, "This is God. You are the superior race, take your rightful places on the throne"
To all the men "This is God, I have made men rightful rulers for eons, do not give it up so lightly. Take back what it is rightfully yours"
To all the majorities, "This is God. Defend your homes against the invaders. They are wolves in sheep's clothing"
And of course, randomize it slightly, so a few men get the women's message, some women get the men's message, etc. Really play into the faction angles.