What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
this post was submitted on 02 Jun 2026
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What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot π₯
It's a knock knock joke;but, you have to start it.
knock knock
Who's there?
That's it, that's the joke..Just leave em hanging trying to figure out what to do next.
Who's there
How is toilet paper like the Starship Enterprise?
It circles Uranus looking for klingons.
Why don't Mennonites have sex standing up?
Because it could lead to dancing.
(Explanation: some Mennonite sects believe that dancing is inappropriate. Sex is not considered dirty, as long as it is within a marriage.)
One of my favorite classic one:
-What is red, makes a rumbling noise, and is hard to swallow?
-A tractor.
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One of my old gristly boomer Uber passengers told me one recently that got a chuckle.
Husband says to wife that he discovered this great and natural way to make your cleavage bigger. She excitedly asked for the information. He says all you gotta do is rub some toilet paper down the middle a couple of times a day.
She was confused, but decided there'd be no harm in trying. After a couple weeks, she gets impatient and complains to her husband "I've been doing this for weeks, and there hasn't been any growth!" He replies with "It's not working? Damn, worked on your ass."
"Mother Superior, we've discovered a case of syphilis!"
"Oh wonderful! I was getting tired of the Chablis..."
From a disposable mouthwash cup in the 90s:
Did you hear about the skunk that went to church?
He had to sit in his own pew.
Poop jokes. Okay, well... They're not actually my very favorite. But they're number 2!
- "Vengo de Paraguay para matarte!"
- "‘¿Para qué?!"
- "Paraguay"
43758.5453 is my favorite number. I picked it at random.
Tap for spoiler
43758.5453 is used in a lot in pseudo random number generators
When I hear/use the word condescending, I will look at someone and say: "That's when you talk down to people". Then let them get through their rant until they realise what just happened. I used to force it with "what do you call a kleptomaniac Dwarf going down a set of stairs? A little condescending, that's when you talk down to people".
Simple joke:
Knock knock, who's there, Europe, Europe who? No you're a poo.
I for one, like Roman numerals, that's perfection.
My printer died under suspicious circumstances. Epson didn't kill itself.
Edit: It's not actually my favorite but it's all that came to mind.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Why did the frog fall out of the tree?
Because it was stapled to the monkey!
Hi, I like dogs, do you have one?
I used to.
What happened?
I spilled spot remover on him, and he disappeared.
Yes I know and credit the talent of the author.
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What is not my absolute favorite joke. He tries really hard when he plays.
What's on second, Who's on first, and I Don't Know's on third.
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