this post was submitted on 02 Jun 2026
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Could be a one liner or a long drawn out thing I don't care. I like all kinds of comedy.

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[–] ThunderQueen@lemmy.world 2 points 5 days ago (1 children)

There was an elderly couple going to get their checkups done. The wife went first. Everything was normal and the doctor says, "Well, everything looks great. Is there anything youd like me to bring uo with your husband? I know older men can be a bit headstrong about their health."

"Nothing too serious," she says; "but since you asked, it's just that he is always picking his nose and whenever we make love, he refuses to let me be on top. We've been married for 20 years and it's a hard line for him."

"Hmm, that is interesting. I'll be sure to mention it to him," replies the doctor.

So the husband goes next and everything seems to be in order. The doctor says, "your check up seems to be great, but I wanted to ask you about some concerns your wife had. Shes says you pick your nose a lot and wont let her be on top when you make love. I just want to make sure there aren't underlying concerns that you aren't mentioning."

The husband, looking rather flustered, says in a serious tone, "When I came to this country, my father told me two things. Keep your nose clean and dont fuck up!"

👉⊙▽⊙👉

[–] UncleArthur@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

My neighbours have made a sex tape. Of course, they don't know that yet.

[–] snooggums@piefed.world 6 points 6 days ago

It is a two part joke and absolutely terrible. Still my favorite.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?

Because it was dead.

Why did the cow fall out of the tree?

It was stapled to the monkey.

[–] silly_goose@lemmy.today 6 points 6 days ago

Why didn't the toilet paper cross the street?

spoilerIt was stuck inside a crack

[–] DigDoug@lemmy.world 6 points 6 days ago

Why did the hedgehog cross the road?

To show his girlfriend he had guts.

[–] 1hitsong@lemmy.ml 4 points 6 days ago (3 children)

I'll share my favorite knock-knock joke.

You start it.

[–] Return_of_Chippy@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)
[–] 1hitsong@lemmy.ml 3 points 6 days ago (2 children)
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[–] gnufuu@infosec.pub 4 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago) (1 children)

It's a knock knock joke but someone else needs to begin

[–] Maiq@piefed.social 5 points 6 days ago (2 children)

mr ducks.

-- mr not ducks.

osar ducks, cdedbd wings.

-- whl al b, da r too ducks.

[–] SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Wun Wun was a racehorse

Tutu was one, too

Wun Wun won a race

22112

[–] mech@feddit.org 3 points 5 days ago

Tim and I to Melbourne went
Met three hookers in a tent
They were three and we were two
So I booked one and Timbuktu

[–] fubo@lemmy.world 5 points 6 days ago (1 children)

O Sybile si ergo
Fortibus es in ero
O Nobile emis trux
Vatis enim causan dux.

spoilerO see, Billy, see 'ere go
Forty buses in a row
O no, Billy, 'em is trucks
What is in 'em? Cows and ducks.

[–] NoSpotOfGround@lemmy.world 4 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

This is funny because the pseudo-Latin is almost legit:

O Sybil, if therefore

you are among the brave,

O noble one,

you are a wild beast,

for the prophet is the leader of the cause.

[–] HubertManne@piefed.social 3 points 6 days ago

Three peanuts were walking in a park.

[–] dwt@feddit.org 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

This one only works in German.

Wie steigert man imposant? Im Hintern Steine, im Arsch Geröll!

[–] agent_nycto@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Would you mind transporting and explaining it to me? I'd love to learn

[–] dwt@feddit.org 3 points 6 days ago (1 children)

The joke relies on a German pun. The word imposant (“imposing” or “impressive”) is humorously reinterpreted as sounding like im Po Sand (“sand in your butt”). The punchline then escalates the imagined contents from sand to stones and finally to rubble/gravel, creating an absurd and crude “comparison of degrees” of imposant. The humor comes from the phonetic wordplay and the increasingly ridiculous imagery.

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[–] eestileib@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 6 days ago

The Mr. Show "Lie Detector" sketch is the funniest fucking thing ever imo.

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