A prepaid self-own. Don't buy 'smart' shit.
this post was submitted on 05 Jun 2026
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It seems like only stupid people buy this shit thinking they are saving money.
“It pays for itself after 3,480 slices of toast!”
Breaks or becomes unsupported after your 100th slice
Heating elements empty. Please buy refill heat. (Only original heat accepted, third party heat will break some of the functionality.)
“Jam empty, refill.”
“I just want to toast.”
“JAM EMPTY!”
Your card on file for your HP toaster has expired. Please update payment information to renew your HP toast subscription.
You havent used your toaster for too long. The heat is now dried out and the toaster must be sent in for service.
And instead of paying 20 bucks for a toaster, these smart toaster allow you to spend several hundred on it instead! I just looked it up, and this isn't an exaggeration. The prices i saw ranged from about 200 - 500 dollars
You gotta be pretty stupid to buy an internet connected toaster.
How else will you download doom on your toaster?
Doom speed run. Complete how many levels before your toast dings
Who the fuck would buy a "smart" toaster?
Dreamers, optimists, technology enthusiasts. Trailblazing consumers. You know, morons.
1996: Can you imagine what life will be like 30 years from now?
2026: “Sign into your toaster using your Facebook account.”
If I found the right one, it's this...
$400 fucking dollars for a toaster??? No... Just... No. Fuck right off. I hate this timeline so much. Marty Mcfly needs to go unfuck whatever it is he fucked up, because if I see his ass and he hasn't, I'm kicking him in the balls so hard his kids feel it in their timeline.
A helpful notification lets you know when it's time to empty the crumb tray
Totally worth
I mean, how would you know otherwise!?!?
"What are we toasting?" I see american read, in other words 1000 shades of white wheat.
This is just the beginning with toaster tech. Just wait for them to stop working with Unauthorized Bread.
If you were dumb enough to buy a toaster with a touch screen then I refuse to feel any level sympathy, you’re an idiot and you deserve to suffer.
Based
I wonder if there's a smart setting marked "bathtub."
I'd rather take an electrical cable off a fan, strip the insulation and very carefully plug it in and lay some bread on the exposed copper than get a "smart" toaster.
Too many people trying to reinvent the wheel by incorporating smart technology into everything. If it work, don't change it.
The Antique Toaster that's Better than Yours (Technology Connections)
I was just thinking of that video.
Doesn't seem to work on Vanadium browser (GrapheneOS)
Sorry, not sure how to fix. I have the OG YouTube link if that helps? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OfxlSG6q5Y
I bought that toaster after watching his video. Works great, makes toast fast.
Well... This toaster proves it. We're in hell.
So just don't buy it.
What kind of update can be? -Maximum temperature increased to 240.
Update: we are now sharing your toasting data with our 3,402 parteners.
Big Bread wants your data!
So this is what NetBSD is for.
Just happened to catch an episode of Totally Spies where smart appliances betray their masters. See, teen shows get it…
I have a washing machine that doesn't make a loud noise when it is finished. I think it wants to text me.
Maybe it's too shy to make the first move
